the peter pan syndrome... law school edition

after a week of work, a cookie christmas party reminded me of the love-hate relationship i used to have with law school. in a roomful of zuma, forgotten songs, old and new friends i felt like i did a few months ago when the biggest dilemma was where to go out for dinner.

it's tough in the adult world and thank God i have events like this to look forward to. i was home for christmas.

Song of the Day: You Can Fly (from Disney's Peter Pan)
Think of presents that you've bought
Any merry little thought
Think of sleigh bells, think of snow
Think of Christmas, here we go!

contented exhaustion

taking on a new role, i have broken away from being a statistic. i am now part of the workforce, i am now an official resident citizen taxable for income made within and outside the philippines, a compensation income earner not subject to itemized deductions.

the first week required some adjustment but everything will be smooth sailing from now on... i hope.

the next five months will prove to be very interesting and rewarding. what happens next will be a pleasant surprise, whatever it may be. and it's keeping my brain from wandering back to a time i have sworn to leave behind.

Song of the Day: Gravity (by Sara Bareilles)

Set me free, leave me be

I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity

Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be

But you're on to me and all over me.

a fourth grader's word of the day

my nephew was asking for help on his english homework. he had to write a dialogue using intransitive verbs. here is part of his homework:

NICO: She writes fluently in English.

then, my nephew asked me what "fluently" meant. we checked the dictionary and came up with "effortlessly." my brother then made a suggestion:

KYLE: if you like my aunt's writing, then you should see my uncle. he dances fluently in spanish.

when my nephew was picked up by my aunt, she asked him "did you get your homework done?"
he replied, "fluently."

Song of the Day: Effortlessly (by Sister Hazel)

It shouldn't be so hard just to be effortlessly

Weightless worries fall away

Wasted pools of energy

strangers on a plane

my mother told me not to talk to strangers. this is the one time i'm thankful i did not listen because i learned that...

• there is a country called montenegro with a population of 600, 000 and you can ski and go to the beach in the same day.
• there are still women shocked that other women take interest in other's husbands.
• there are cute, nice italian guys who would propose you stay with them in minneapolis if you miss your flight and that you can say "i'm sorry i can't" without hesitation
• there will be a night of corruption that will rival the six years i have gone through in law school

Song of the Day: Strangers in the Night (by Frank Sinatra)

Strangers in the night, two lonely people

We were strangers in the night

Up to the moment

When we said our first hello.

misadventures

i have learned my lesson. i will pay attention to the paths i take, read the signs and remember where i took the wrong turn.

getting lost while out running has never been more exhilirating.

Song of the Day: Run (by Collective Soul)

Now in this world of purchase

I'm gonna buy back memories

To awaken some old qualities

Have I got a long way to run.

once upon a monday

on a monday morning 12 years ago, there was an argument between an ordinary fourteen year-old girl and a cousin of the jordanian prince arising from the gentlemanly gesture of pouring milk for her...

on a monday morning six months ago, a fresh graduate from law school woke up with a smile on her face putting off the worries about the bar exams till the next day...

on a monday morning four weeks ago, a barrister woke up with a huge headache worrying on how to forget the question on Warm Warm Honey by Mocha Warm...

on a monday morning seven days ago, an unemployed law graduate woke up to do the laundry and instead got a surprise visit from somebody unexpected...

this monday morning, the same person woke up with a smile turned toward the sunshine, not feeling the thirty degree weather outside and ready to slip her feet into her new discounted kate spade mary janes for a new road trip.

i think i may learn to love mondays.

Song of the Day: Life Is A Highway (by The Rascal Flatts)

There's no load that I can't hold

Road so rough, this I know

I'll be there when the light comes in

Tell 'em we're survivors

psychoanalysis

Stockholm syndrome is a psychological response sometimes seen in an abducted hostage, in which the hostage shows signs of loyalty to the hostage-taker, regardless of the danger (or at least risk) in which they have been placed.

shirl sent me a message at around 2am saying that she woke up in the middle of the night looking for a law book to read.

yesterday was an actual monday morning that i didn't hate. i woke up and felt guilty about trading in my daily dose of coffee for a cup of hot cocoa with tons and tons of marshmallows. i felt attached to the bar materials that i used to throw against the wall out of frustration. i look for stress now.

my room's gradually getting back its inhabitable state and i wake up without a codal by my side. i have six months of waiting to do and if the bar didn't break me, i keep thinking maybe this one will. everything seems perfect now: no stress, no bar, no cramming. somehow, i can't help feeling that it's wrong and i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Song of the Day: More Than This (by the 10 000 Maniacs)

It was fun for a while

There was no way of knowing

Like dream in the night

Who can say where we're going

No care in the world

Maybe I'm learning

Why the sea on the tide

Has no way of turning

loving LB

my cellphone crashed, erasing all photos, mp3 files and notes i had on it. like resetting my ipod, i saw it as a sign that i needed to let my pda phone breathe. as i was looking for bedan hymn and up song downloads, i found the UPLB centennial song. i never felt prouder to be a uplb student than i do now.

ISANG DAAN
Isang daang taong pagsisilbi sa bayan

Isang daang taon ng kagitingan

Ginising ang ating puso’t isipan

Mula sa pagkakatulog ng kamalayan
CHORUS
Isang Daan tungo sa karunungan

Isang Daan tungo sa kagalingan

Daan na tinuro ng ating pamantasang hirangInilaan para sa’ting mga anak ng bayan

Dumating man ang hangin ng pagbabagoIskolar, huwag patitinag itaas ang kamao

Kasing lawak at ‘sing taas ng langit

Ang abot ng isipan mo
(Repeat CHORUS)
Magbago man ang panahon

Pamantasan nati’y ‘di patatalo

Iskolar ng bayan noon at ngayonLaging angat sa iba

Isang Daan tungo sa karunungan

Isang Daan tungo sa kagalingan

Isang Daan tungo sa karunungan

Isang Daan tungo sa kagalingan
(Repeat Chorus)

Song of the Day: Sailing (by Christopher Cross)

It's not far to Never Never Land

No reason to pretend

And if the wind is right you'll find the joy

Of innocence again

missing the sunshine

these are the places i will always remember, with the people whose memories i will keep close to my heart:

the nasc lecture hall where i met my first friends from block 16.

the umali house where i was welcomed into an organization that changed my life.

the humanities building that showed me true beauty through an old structure.

the fertility tree that disproved an old myth.

apartment 5, where the bizarre always took place from drinking by candlelight to running into doppelgangers.

the sociosoc tambayan, where ideas, opinions, laughter and cassava chips were shared.

Song of the Day: In My Life (The Beatles)

All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

In memory of Katherine Matienzo who was taken before her time.

To use Hemingway's words:

Best of all (s)he loved the fall
The leaves yellow on the cottonwoods
Leaves floating on the trout streams
And above the hills
The high blue windless skies
Now (s)he will be a part of them forever

WE'LL ALL MISS YOU KAETII. Smile on us from above.

gratitude

the work of a master

in the heat of summer sunshine

through all the laughter and tears in an office filled with music, games, hugs and food

two people i respect most
josefina c. magpantay: mother, rock, mirror, hero, friend
atty. virgilio b. jara: my dean, my mentor, my savior.

Song of the Day: Amazing Grace
Through many dangers, toils, and snares
I have already come.'
Tis Grace hath brought me safe thus far
And Grace will lead me home.

100 Kwentong Peyups... a centennial post

WALKING ON SUNSHINE

(published by the Philippine Daily Inquirer June 21, 2008)

Six years ago, I had the honor of listening to the late Raul Roco give the commencement address at UPLB. He tried to ease our discomfort of being exposed to the cruel April sun by saying that body parts exposed to the sun are the toughest parts, and cracked a green joke by asking us to think which parts of our body were always hidden and the reason for hiding them-- because they were extra sensitive. He said that those exposed to the sun survive the most difficult challenges so the graduates who weren't protected by the shad shouldn't feel so bad because they were the tough ones. Of course, he said this as he jokingly compared us to body parts.

I was educated in a private school from prep until high school. I was in the shade for too long. I was occasionally exposed to the sun, through my high school outreach program and the annual brown envelopes we were given around October-- for World Mission Sunday. Somehow, this paled in comparison to the glaring sunlight of my UP education-- both inside and outside the classroom.

UPLB was never my first choice when I took the UPCAT. It was only a back-up, and I planned on transferring to Diliman or Manila by the time I reached my second year. Of course, life got in the way. I joined a school organization and my weekly trips home were redulced to coming home twice a month. It alarmed my mother, to the point where she asked my cousins if there was anything wrong.

There are experiences that are uniquely UPLB. People say that you're not a UPLB student until you've crossed the never-ending bridge or noticed how the jar held by a statue of Maria Makiling changed positions. UPLB is also famous for its "Fertility Tree"-- a tree which, according to urban legend, makes you pregnant when you touch it. Being the dumb freshman during PE 1, I leaned against the tree while tying my shoelace in the middle of the one-mile run. No, I did not get pregnant if that was your next question.

I've crawled underneath the gates of the St. Therese compound when I didn't make the curfew. I walked around the campus at 2AM, guiding friends home as they stumbled through the streets half-drunk. I attended History I classes at the IAST, a building up in Forestry, and rushed down to the Humanities building for Philo I. I forced myself to wake up at 7AM to attend the late great Dean Payawal's NASC II class. I learned that we are all children of the stars. I was locked out of my building because the hard-core tibak orgs were protesting the increase in tuition. I heard my Soc 116 professor lament on the curren state of the nation during the impeachment proceedings. I went to Sagada on a class trip to be exposed to the situation of the Igorot tribes living there. I went to the relocation area in San Mateo for a Soc 160 paper. I learned that I cannot change the world alone.

I realized that even my best efforts would result in a scolding-- a loud and public one-- resulting in fear that not even a grade of 1.25 could wipe out. I found out that I could be one of the top 5 students of my Stat 1 Lab Class and yet get a 4.0 in Anthropology. I had friends that could solve all the problems of this country in one drunken discussion. I met professors that changed my view of the world and sent a spark through me, encouraging me to make every effort I can to help change the world. I was introduced to the chilling philosophies of Hitler, to the brilliance of Machiavelli, and the gruesome Yanomamo tribe. I learned to walk slow, eat fast, exceed my alcohol limit at least once, sing and dance in public, and to ask questions no matter how stupid they may be. And if I don't get answers, I learned where and how to look for them: with patience and perseverance brought on by a thirst for knowledge.

When I go back to UPLB, I can't help but miss sitting at the Humanities steps and watching people. I miss the tambayan where one of my best friends would take our org's logbook and ask all the questions she could think of from "Will a change in administration change the Philippine society?" to "Anong mas masarap: banana o tomato ketchup?" Of course these questions would have different answers. Opinions were always welcome in UP. Disagreements were part of our weekly agenda during general assemblies.

There are still questions left unanswered like "Bakit may taba sa dulo ng barbeque?" but this only reinforces my desire to learn new things. My mother and my grandmother always said that UP was the best place to get a college education and I am living proof of that. Back in high school, I only though of UP as a school that accepted brilliant minds. I came to understand that it also molded the most extraordinary people. It gave its students character, uniquely UP. I can't pinpoint what specific characteristic it is but I'm positive it's there.

Now, I see UPLB as the sun. It gave me the light I needed to see the world for what it really was-- a big and scary place, corrupted by men but not impossible to change.

Kristine Nicole M. Espiritu

missing my nips

it's been ten years since we all had lunch at the st. scho quadrangle table, trying to beat the chiming intercoms as we raced from the canteen to our table... having conversations with the teachers from the balcony of the faculty room and doing our nips sway.

some of us are busy with our careers, kids, boyfriends, husbands and school but we always ALWAYS find time to contact each other. we may never actually have the chance to open the WAHAHA music store or marry our teenybopper crushes (eeeeeeeew) but we will always make time to know how everyone else is doing.

can't wait to see them again.

Song of the Day: Walk on the Ocean (by Toad the Wet Sprocket)

We dont even have pictures
Just memories to hold
That grow sweeter each season
As we slowly grow old

One Crazy Road Trip

Obviously, my brother has great love for Ninoy and Cory. Can't blame him.

Walking is Good for the Heart (by Gmajor7)

from http://www.peyups.com/

"Maglalakad lang ba ulit tayo?" Tanong ko sa 'yo nung pauwi na tayo galing class.

"Oo naman," Naglalakad ka na bago ka magbigay ng sagot, kasunod ang walang kamatayan mong linya, "Walking is good for the heart."

Nagreklamo ako, "Nakakatamad!" Pero sumunod din naman ako sa paglakad mo.

"Alam mo, mas masaya maglakad."

"Sabi mo e."

"Hindi nga!" Ang tawa mo, "Una--"

Unahan na kita, "Walking is good for the heart?"

"O, yon."

"Ano pa?"

"Marami kang nakikita."

"At walang nakikita sa jeep?"

"Meron. Pero mabilis! Maraming bagay na hindi mo mapapansin."

"Halimbawa?"

"Halimbawa..." Tumingin ka sa paligid, sabay pulot ng isang tuyong dahon, "Dahon."

Inabot mo sakin ang dahon, tinanggap ko at tinapat ko sa mga mata mo, "Dahon?"

"Dahon," Tumango ka na parang napaka-obvious ng point mo, "Ang ganda diba?"

Tiningnan ko ang dahon, "Hinde."

"Ang KJ nito. Maganda siya, in its own way."

"ANG GANDAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

"Exag."

"Ang ganda!"

"Ayaaaaaaaaan..."

"O, dahon. Maganda. Tapos?"

"Walang dahon sa jeep."

"Meron!"

"Pupulot ka ba ng dahon sa jeep?"

"Hinde. Eh Ikaw lang naman ang kilala kong namumulot ng dahon e."

"Kaya nga."

"Ang labo mo."

"Malalaman mo bang namumulot ako ng dahon kung hindi tayo naglakad?"

"Hinde."

"Malalaman ko bang tumatanggap ka ng mga pinulot na dahon kung hindi tayo naglakad?"

"Hindi ren."

"Malalaman mo bang tumatanggap ka ng mga pinulot na dahon kung hindi tayo naglakad?"

"Lalong hinde."

"Kita mo na? Kaya mas masaya maglakad."

"Para makapamulot ng dahon?"

"Oo," Tumawa ka ng bahagya sabay ngiti sa'kin.

Bahay ko na, "Dito na 'ko."

"Next meeting ulit?"

"Mamumulot tayo ng dahon?"

"Hanggang sa makagawa tayo ng foliage."

Pinanood kita maglakad palayo saka tiningnan ang dahon na hawak ko pa rin hanggang doon.

Walking is good for the heart.

spring cleaning in november

I found a lot of things while cleaning up...

Mommy and Me... vogue-ing at an early age

The beginnings of a genius =P

And the basket case I've become.

One day of pure bliss

Every morning...

Mamay: Sino ga ere? (with the Batangueñong punto)
Nikki: Si Nikki po, apo ng Ellen.

Mamay: Ah, yung di sumasagot ng tanong hanggang hindi Inggles? Bakit nagtatagalog ka na? Naku, apo, wag na wag kang maga-abogado. Itinatama nila ang mali at minamali ang tama!

Believe me, Mamay, I listened. I did. I'll try my best not to prove you right.

At the other side lies another place I used to call home.

Reunited with Baby Morgan


Yes, Batangas. I promise, I will go back.

My Real Soul Mates

It's always been like this. I set myself up for a big disappointment. I guess I'm getting kind of used to it. With every crush, affair, relationship I have, I end up losing something, a part of my romantic side I guess. I believe less in love stories and my idea that there are no romantic soulmates out there is reinforced.

But there is one thing I continue to believe in: that although other people will let me down, my friends never will.

Threz, my relatives who I have come to consider as my confidantes. They know my every bad habit, good habit and everything in between. I will never forget our summers in Las Piñas and Cuenca. They have thrown me the best surprise birthday party I can remember, food fights, music and yes, our As. Over the years, we've had our ups and downs but somehow, we found a way to be there for each other. Thing have changed for all of us, we've been separated by the International Date Line and the Atlantic Ocean but somehow, to quote Michael Corleone from The Godfather movies "They pull me back in." I will always keep the letters written in cardboard, toilet paper, stationery and even cigarette packages that have been clandestinely delivered to each other. I will also cherish the late night conference calls and constant taunting and looking out the window with a faraway look in our eyes, thinking of cavemen. I will always find myself singing "Jingle bells, jingle bells it's Christmas time in the city..." in the middle of May and will abuse my vocal chords by reaching the highest notes of the Les Miserables soundtrack. I will look forward to the day that we will laugh at the times that our screams reached the other end of the solar system.

Kahit na anong mangyari, kahit na saan ka man patungo.

The Toxic Nips, who have been there with me during the toughest times of my life, going through adolescence with me. They have gone through the rebellious stage, teeny-bopper stage (well most of them) and the toughest Article 36 days with me. I could never have made it through high school without you. You gave me something to go home to every weekend when I was in college and now, I have a date to look forward to at least once a year. Even though we only have one barkada picture, that one picture holds a lot of memories.

Don't even have pictures, just memories to hold.

Grow sweeter each season as we slowly grow old.

My college blocmates, the future founding members of the EENG Law Offices, and SocioSoc. These people literally gave me a life back in college. While the Toxic Nips gave me something to go home to, you gave me something to look forward to whenever I went back to Los Baños. You have given me survival skills, boosted my self-confidence, showed me how to deal with all kinds of people and professors. You taught me to think outside the box and prepared me for law school in ways I could never imagine. We shared our dreams over bottles of alcohol and somehow we could solve the world's problems when we were drunk. I still have the Fundador bottle from one of our final rites. That bottle holds a message for me. There are others out there who share my dreams of turning this world into a better place for future generations.

But it's always you I run home to... take me home back to where I am free

My Poor People (you know who you are), law school was an adventure because of you. Although I got left behind, you're standing there in the finish line, cheering me on. You kept me grounded and always knew how to make me laugh. You made law school bearable when I couldn't see the point of going on. We shared the tears, laughter and craziness. Thank you for your patience and the company. I miss the library sessions, sneaking in Hot Shots and tikoy, movie dates in the middle of the week, study sessions in the field and in our kuta and classroom hopping. I look forward to September every year for our traditional night of good food, good music and good company.

Salamat, at may gabing nakalaan sa konting kasiyahan.

The June 21 Club, through all the silent dinners, races to the bathroom, torta days, ninja moves and threats of adoption. You have given a whole new meaning to "There's no place like home." I am happy and proud to call you family.

I'll be alright as long as it matters

As long as you're here with me now

Of course, who would forget the Garfield Group and Friends. The people at the far side of the Law Lecture Room where the food flows endlessly and the laughter is constant. Where you would hear the other people singing Hiram or Part of Your World from the other side and laugh silently without anyone noticing. The Garfield Group, who stand by each other through embarrassing recitations, pink tops and ten-foot high cases. According to Pambie, between our seats, there are no spaces.

You were there when I needed you.

You were there when the skies broke wide, wide open.

These people are my soul mates. We're interested in the same things, we enjoy each others' company, we speak the same language and Fate brought us all together and made our lives happier.