must do for 2010

i finally know what life would have been like had i decided to be a freelancer.

an afternoon off stuck in a coffee shop with my computer, writing my heart out.

i think i can deal with reality now.

finally.

Song of the Day: Dream On (by Aerosmith)

Sing with me, sing for the year

Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears

Sing with me just for today

Maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away.

Wedding of the Decade

it took 50 years of marriage to gather all of us together.

don't we just clean up good?

*there is no song to describe this perfect moment.

no music would be more fitting than the songs playing in our own little heads.

walk away

an invasion of my territory as i once invaded his

he caught me by surprise as i did before.

an almost run-in

but there was nothing in him

and nothing in me.

Song of the Day: Perfect (by Smashing Pumpkins)

Strangers when we meet

Strangers on the street

Lovers walk asleep

Perfect

You know this has to be

We always were so free

We promised that we'd be

Perfect

from Dylan Moran's Monster

Because it’s actually men, you’ll find, who are the far more romantic. Men are the people you will hear say, “I’ve found somebody. She’s amazing. If I don’t get to be with this person, I’m f***ed. I can’t carry on, no I mean it, she’s totally transformed my life. I have a job, I have a flat, it means nothing. I can’t stand it, I have to be with her. Because if I don’t, I going to end up in some bedsit, I’ll be alcoholic, I’ll have itchy trousers. I can’t- I can’t walk the streets any more.” That, is how women feel about shoes.

-Dylan Moran

Song of the Day: Express Yourself (by Madonna)

You deserve the best in life

So if the time isn't right then move on

Second best is never enough

You'll do much better, baby, on your own

another monday morning

i only hear the sound of my revolutionary tummy.

oh yes, NU107 is off the air. the loudest and proudest member of the KBP has been shut down. hence the quiet monday morning.

goodbye, remote control weekend, 40-minute rockathon, in the raw and other landmark shows.

thus, i can think more clearly and found inspiration in the strangest and most dire situation.

Song of the Day: Last Goodbye (by Jeff Buckley)

The bells out in the church tower chime

Burning clues into this heart of mine

Thinking so hard on her soft eyes

And the memories offer signs that it's over.

Last Broadcast

i am listening to the last few minutes of NU 107's final broadcast as i write. and i intend to write until the final broadcast ends.

i cannot forget how it provided the soundtrack to momentous events in my life:

• Good Old Days (Owsley) for the vacation that rocked Poblacion in 1995
• Selling The Drama (Live) for high school field trips
• At The Stars (Better Than Ezra), the song i requested while studying for the crucial statistics exam as they ousted Erap
• Last Kiss (Pearl Jam) for weekends at home during college
• Okay Na (Milk and Money) for random Ayala Avenue/Buendia/Mendiola Bridge encounters
• Ewan Ko (Soapdish) for traffic jam moments at Legarda and Recto Streets
• Never Tear Us Apart (INXS, with Michael Hutchence) as I get dressed for class
• Akin Ka Nalang (Itchyworms) for secret royal affairs
• Elesi (Rivermaya) while speeding along Osmena Highway
• Afterglow (INXS, with JD Fortune) for windy days studying at the football field
• Landslide (Smashing Pumpkins) for moments of realization that aging is not a myth
• Burnout (Sugarfree) for well... burnout moments
• Tulad Ng Dati (The Dawn) for random hallway encounters
• Be Strong Now (James Iha) for bokya moments
• Listen (Collective Soul) for bad days
• Original of the Species (U2) playing in my head during congested Visita Iglesia in Malacanang
• The Sweater (Meryn Cadell) for moments when i just need to laugh at school girl silliness
• Don't Dream It's Over (Crowded House) when i need to let go
• Akap (Imago), the cause of September laryngitis
• Don't You Forget About Me (Simple Minds) for random quasi-rockstar run-ins
• I Don't Like Mondays (Boomtown Rats) for law school Mondays
• Interstate Love Song (Stone Temple Pilots) for CBTL moments with my girls
• Last Goodbye (Jeff Buckley) for moments when writer's block sets in.
• Spoliarium (Eraserheads) for letting me discover that hidden karaoke talent
• All I Want and Walk On The Ocean (Toad The Wet Sprocket) for Monday Mornings and Sunday afternoons, respectively
• Gotten (Slash feat. Adam Levine) for the revival of a mountainous affair
• Float On (Modest Mouse) for NU 107's last broadcast

the end of the station brought some sort of uncertainty which may seem shallow to some people but a quote from P. Ramlee (Malaysian pop culture icon) describes the moment perfectly: Music, once embedded is irreplaceable.

NU will be irreplaceable.

I am listening to the last few minutes of NU 107's last broadcast, and still discovering new old songs. i intend to write until the final broadcast ends. and this is one moment that i am willing to squeeze my brains forever for something to write in the hope that the final broadcast won't end yet.

if only i could stop time. or buy NU107 back, whichever comes first in the next couple of minutes.

in basketball, the last two minutes are crucial to the game. i guess it's the same for the end of an era.

There wouldn't be any music without NU107, the home of NU Rock. There's no place like home.

Thank you being loud and proud for 23 years.

Song of the Day: Ang Huling El Bimbo (Eraserheads)

Kahit di na uso ay ito lang ang alam ko

Magkahawak ang ating kamay

At walang kamalay-malay

Na tinuruan mo ang puso ko

Na umibig ng tunay

NU 107's final song before signing off today, November 8, 2010, 12:00 Midnight.

another reason to hate Mondays.

STATIC.

even as i edit, i keep wishing i had the power to turn back the clock just a few minutes (or buy out the people who bought out the station). sabi nga ni Tonyo Cruz, ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng ulila.

from a magnet sold at a bookstore

Lord,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change that which I can

And the wisdom to bury the bodies of those I had to kill because they ticked me off.

Amen.

And P.S. Thank you for sending the Great Evil away. Please do not let her disturb the people I love most.

Song of the Day: At The Stars (by Better Than Ezra)

Blame us 'cause we are who we are

Hate us 'cause you'll never get that far

But who supposed that you would go

I've already learned enough to know

but i'm not the only one

a very happy birthday to one of the world's most profound dreamers who encouraged everybody to imagine.

John Lennon would have turned 70 today.

Song of the Day: Imagine (by John Lennon)

Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

Imagine all the people

Living life in peace

by the power of facebook

Makapangyarihan ang Facebook:

Carlos Celdran is telling everyone not to feed the trolls. As the saying goes: Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Song of the Day: Waterfalls (by TLC)

Don't go chasing waterfalls,

Please stick to the rivers

And the lakes that you're used to

I know you're gonna have it you're way

Or nothing at all

But I think you're moving to fast.

Again

somehow, a radio station's playlist sounded ominous as we crossed the border.

Song of the Day: Steep (by Lauren Christy)

So walk into the sun and watch me

Run into the rain

For you the future's easy

So don't weep

cheese pimiento sandwiches and hallways

in a couple of months, hallway encounters will be mere memories.

and there will be hauntings along the corridors of this old building.

Song of the Day: The Scientist (by Coldplay)

Nobody said it was easy

It's a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard

Take me back to the start.

National Day of Mourning

WELCOME TO THE PHILIPPINES

home of

a boxing champ (turned politician),

a beauty queen (who can't answer a beauty queen question properly),

untapped musical talent,

the world's most untrained cops,

"free press" (so free that they can give a blow by blow account of every classified detail)

is this what we want to be known for?

*we wouldn't have a national day of mourning if everybody had done their jobs right.

Song of the Day: Everybody Out of the Water (by The Wallflowers)

That's blood, that's tears

This ain't a warning,

Everybody out of the water

And up on dry land

Take what you can

Cause you won't be here again.

forgiven not forgotten

i am only human.

and not the kind who forgives easily.

if i DO forgive easily, you should sleep with one eye open.

forgiven not forgotten

i am a very patient human being.

but like everything else, patience runs out and i am not the kind who forgives easily.

if i DO forgive you, remember to sleep with one eye open.

ever read The Godfather, or at least Greek Mythology?

good, you get to live it.

brace yourself.

Song of the Day: GWB (by Lily Allen)

Look inside,

Your tiny mind.

Then look a bit harder,

cause we're so uninspired.

So sick and tired.

uniformly horrible

a "tita cory" shade of yellow on a blouse that chokes people to near death,

made of material fit for winter.

ang maghina ng aircon, ako mismo ang sasakal.

if they wanted this design, this atrocity they call a uniform, then why don't THEY wear it? are demi-gods exempt from the rule?

Song of the Day: One More Murder (by Better Than Ezra)

One more murder in this town

Don't mean a thing, you get accustomed

To the sound

One more murder in this town

Just block off the street and wrap

the 'Crime Scene' Tape around

issues

the complicated questions of a seemingly simple collision case should be taken one issue at a time...

like everything else in my life.

Song of the Day: The Remedy (by Jason Mraz)

You can turn off the sun

But I'm still gonna shine

And I'll tell you why

Because the remedy is the experience.

This is a dangerous liaison

I say the comedy is that it's serious

This is a strange enough new play on words

Mr. Mistoffelees

diva behavior

if you didn't want to go, then you should've said something early on.

a lot of people would've wanted it, you ungrateful bastard.

i never knew punctuality was a capital sin.

i'm praying that you DO go to law school and i will be waiting for karma to get you.

you probably deserved the bruises she gave you... below the belt huh? good. i hope that got through your thick head.

Song of the Day: Yeah Whatever (by Splender)

And you're primitive...

And you're cynical to me

And I chewed down on the bit

And almost swallowed it

bumped and bruised

as if overheating wasn't enough, the pink decepticon had to be hit by a huge white SUV.

Song of the Day: Highway to Hell (by AC/DC)

Living easy, living free
Season ticket on a one-way ride
Asking nothing, leave me be
Taking everything in my stride

the "best" road trip ever

a damsel in distress by the lipa exit of the star tollway, waiting for a knight in shining armor to take me away in his golden innova. he never came.

but everything was fun and i wouldn't have it any other way.

Song of the Day: Good Old Days (by Owsley)

Looking back on yesterday

Never was my favorite thing to do

But that's OK it's just as well

It's seems as though there's less to hold on to



There's a parking lot where the church used to be

And the old town drunk changed his ways

Still my mind goes wandering down memory lane

Looking 'round for the good old days

chick flick moment... part deux

"You find a guy that can sit with you when you're at your absolute worst, when your face looks like a punching bag and you're elbow deep in Kleenex, and he can still look at you, and tell you that Ray is not the last man you're ever going to love."

-Someone Like You (2001)

And I'm sure he's not.

Song of the Day: Let's Forget About It (by Lisa Loeb)

I'll stop crying on the mountain that we made

from the molehill where we spilt the milk

I'll stop crying if you'll stop lying to me.

legacy

the elections are over.

we will never know what tomorrow holds if we don't give it a chance.

political inclinations should be set aside and let the bitterness go.

there are bigger problems and the change should come from each individual.

the leader is merely a symbol. the solution is within each of us.

each citizen should strive to be a hero and ask nothing in return.

Song of the Day: One (by U2 feat. Mary J. Blige)

One love

One blood

One life

You got to do what you should

One life

With each other

Sisters

Brothers

One life

But we're not the same

We get to

Carry each other

if the shoe fits

one line from my wingman sent my stress level to the high heavens while laughing at the same time.

the temporary aning-aning can only be cured by retail therapy.

hence, a pair of Simply Vera shoes on sale were purchased

and i am in the red once more.

Song of the Day: Like A Prayer (by Madonna)

In the midnight hour,

I can feel your power

Like a little prayer

I wanna take you there.

an emotional roller coaster

a GP movie taught me a lot about

growing up...

letting go...

moving on...

and friendships that last for infinity and beyond.

Song of the Day: You've Got A Friend In Me (by Randy Newman)

And as the years go by

Our friendship will never die

You're gonna see

It's our destiny

in this night and in this hour

apparently, i'm someone else's ghost too.

i wonder if the hauntings are as bad.

Song of the Day: Gotten (by Slash feat. Adam Levine)

I'm out of love but I can't forget the past

I'm out of words but I'm sure it'll never last

I've been saving these last words for one last miracle

Now I'm not sure.

Love in the Time of Global Warming

old wounds are no longer battle scars. the blood flows again and it's hard to stop the bleeding.


ghosts always find a way to resurface. exorcisms are only Band-Aids.

all the answers i thought i had were wrong and like all things i cannot explain, i blame all of this on global warming.

Song of the Day: The Blower's Daughter (by Damien Rice)
And so it is
Just like you said it should be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time...

I can't take my eyes off you...


Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to leave it all behind?

28th

i climbed the curly mountain to conquer my fear.
i conquered my fear to get closure.
all i achieved was to feel thirteen again and believe that everything is still within my reach.
the closure i thought i had is nothing more but another fantasy.

Song of the Day: Hi! (by True Faith)
Now that you're back with a half-baked smile
Skip the bull, let's talk for a while
Hello, how have you been
Who've you been seeing these past few weekends?
I know it's not me, I know that it's you
I'd love to be with.

The Ghost of Obsession Past

i just needed a moment to breathe. must've been sugar overload or shock or a heat stroke.

i'm okay now... except for the upset stomach.

Song of the Day: I Wish You Love (by Frank Sinatra)
My breaking heart and I agree that you and I could never be,
So with my best, my very best, I set you free.
I wish you shelter from the storm, a cozy fire to keep you warm,
Most of all, when snowflakes fall, I wish you love.

spring cleaning

forgotten lyrics to a guilty pop pleasure:

i'd rather not say which song and which band as it might tarnish the illusion that i have great choice of music (kaya nga guilty pop pleasure eh). but if you ever figure this out... either you've Googled it or you've listened to the Guilty Pleasure Album of 2000 too.

Song of the Day:
As you read the words I wrote I couldn't speak
But now I lay here broken heart and blistered feet
As you're spinning round my mind.
...
When you weep you can know that it's all right
As you sleep I'll just follow your door light
We can talk just as long as you hold on tight
One breath is a million sighs

I can tell every breath that you're breathing
I can feel every thought that you're thinking
We can talk and it's a thousand years gone by

full circle

ibuhos na ang beer sa aking lalamunan...

the only boom boom in our hearts will be happy ones

we will always have chicken invaders, karaoke nights, coke and skittles

pajama parties, smorgasbords and iPod selections
come hell (mental breakdowns) or high water (ondoy)...

we will be walking on sunshine from now on... together
NO MAN LEFT BEHIND.

Song of the Day: I Can See Clearly Now (by Johnny Nash)
Yes, I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I've been praying for
It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshiney day

laglagan na

today, i got to experience how it felt to be abandoned.

the veil has been lifted and i am grateful for the support given by a unique group of characters, pea shooters and frozen yogurt.

i will never expect defense from the higher up. i will stand by my marine-like second family. no man left behind.

Song of the Day: I'll Stand By You (by The Pretenders)

So, if you're mad get mad,
Don't hold it all inside,
Come on and talk to me now.
And hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
But I'm a lot like you.
When you're standing at the crossroads,
Don't know which path to choose,
Let me come along, cause even if your wrong
I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.
Take me into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you.
I'll stand by you.

nothing

me: kenshin has moved from san francisco to new york.
culas: and how does that make you feel? big sigh?
me: i dunno how i'm supposed to feel. he's happy, i'm happy most of the time and there's no big sigh. so i guess there's nothing there anymore.

Song of the Day: You'll Think Of Me (by Keith Urban)
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been
So take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories, I don't need them
Take your space and take your reasons

oppression

february is the most oppressive month of the year and this year, there is one date i know i will never keep.

Song of the Day: Take A Bow (by Rihanna)
You put on quite a show, really had me going
But now it's time to go, curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show, very entertaining
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow.

gravity

what goes up must come down. the outcome depends on what you do after.

do you stay down or pick yourself up?

Song of the Day: Even Angels Fall (by Jessica Riddle)
You laugh, you cry, no one knows why
Behold the thrill of it all...
You're on the ride
You might as well
Open your eyes

jerk magnet

i could think of a thousand words to describe him right now but i will maintain my silence, as i always have.

he can go on talking. i will listen and pretend that it doesn't affect me, like i always have.

i am not perfection incarnate.

and neither is he.

Song of the Day: Human (by The Pretenders)

I thought you'd come through
I though you'd come clean
You were the best thing I should never have seen
You go to extremes, you push me too far
Then you'll keep going till you break my heart.
See, I bleed and I bruise but what's it to you
I'm only human on the inside
I crash and I burn, maybe someday you'll learn
I'm only human on the inside.