The Kindness of Strangers

I know why Snow White was too willing to let the evil queen in disguise dig a poisoned comb into her scalp and refusing to learn her lesson, take an apple from an unassuming old lady.  She was desperate for a simple act of kindness and gratitude, after living with seven thankless little men who never acknowledged how she cleaned up after them all the frickin’ time. Oh believe me, I’ve lived it and though I once thought Snow White to be the most annoying of the Disney princesses, I have new found respect for her. 

It didn’t take much to pull a Rose Madder.  If you’re not familiar with the Stephen King novel (get a copy, quick!), Rosie was a battered housewife (understatement) who saw a spot of blood on the sheet, sat in her chair and then just walked away from it all with nothing but the clothes on her back.  She moved to another city and started a new life there.  Believe me, if it were that easy, I’d have done it a long time ago.  I’ve got stuff that Rosie didn’t.  I have money (not a lot, but enough to tide me over), a relatively new car, and Google.  But I also had a dog that I adore, lots of books, clothes, shoes, grandparents, a new job waiting for me… baggage.  For one weekend, however, I could feel how she felt… that initial whiff of freedom before reality sets in that somehow, you have to survive.

I just got fed up.  So I took out my phone, searched Google to find a nice little place that would welcome me and my dog, found one, made the payment and started packing as much as I could fit into my backpack.  Then on a Friday afternoon, I left work early, picked up the dog and started driving. 

You know what I realized on this trip? That I found kindness in strangers.  Kindness that I had expected but didn’t get from the people who, typically and by the laws of nature, would give to you – your own blood. I guess that’s what hurts most… that I had to seek comfort from strangers but not my own family. It’s pathetic that I desperately wanted to hug the motherly innkeeper for welcoming with a smile instead of a problem.  I enjoy conversations with the innkeeper’s daughter more than with my own siblings.  I look forward to seeing the nice lady who brings my meals more than I want to see my own house. I joke around with the trusty errand boy. I think the food here is more home-cooked than the ones I eat back home.  Good Lord, even my dog likes it here… he’s got a lot of room to run around although he’s been coughing because he’s not used to fresh air. And then he’s got the chickens that he could bully.  I know I paid for the accommodation but their hospitality is priceless.  They're obliged to treat me like the paying customer that I am but they don't have to be as nice to me as they already are.  Meanwhile, the people who should be biologically compelled to ask if I'm okay don't even sense that there's something amiss. If these aren’t signs that anything’s wrong then I don’t know what is.

Looking out the window with the pretty view of the garden and the top of a mountain I so desperately loved, I can understand why Hemingway needed that cottage by the lake (I’m not sure if I got that right) and the necessity for the existence of a writer’s colony.  I would so love to come here every weekend but I don’t think I could afford it, cheap as it is.  And like every other good thing, I’m afraid of being here too much, I might lose my appreciation for the wonder of the place and I don’t want it to wear off.  I want to be able to come back here and appreciate it.

Song of the Day:  Waitin' for a Superman (by The Flaming Lips)
Tell everybody
Waitin' for Superman
That they should try to
Hold on
Best they can
He hasn't dropped them
Forgot them
Or anything
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift

unbowed, unbent, unbroken.

it's been a rough couple of years.

i have learned to accept that it was training for what was to come.  and without that -- and hilarious old and new friends -- i would've broken down months ago.  

i still get a bad day or two sometimes.  but i get by.  and i think of the SEALS motto "the only easy day was yesterday." so i face tomorrow with a lot of faith in the world, and most of all, myself.

Song of the Day:  Titanium (by David Guetta feat. Sia)

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose

Fire away, fire away

Ricochet, you take your aim

Fire away, fire away

You shoot me down but I won't fall

sweet november

for three days, i felt what it was like to be thirteen again. and it was enough to make me remember i am still human. and i am not invincible. and the walls can be torn down.

i just need somebody brave enough to storm them.

Song of the Day: Shake It Out (by Florence and the Machine)

And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope

It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat 

Looking for heaven found the devil in me 

Well what the hell

I'm gonna let it happen to me

the love-hate relationship

on days like today, i am grateful to have a fluffy friend to welcome me home.

 i thought i chose you. it was the other way around.
i'm glad to have you home, my little shadow.

Song of the Day: Somewhere (from West Side Story)

There's a place for us, 

Somewhere a place for us

Peace and quiet and open air

Wait for us

Somewhere

1995

"after all this time?"
"always."

Song of the Day: Gotten (by Slash feat. Adam Levine)

I've been saving these last words

For one last miracle

Now I'm not sure

I can't save you if you don't let me

You just get me

Like I've never been gotten before.

reconnecting

maybe i needed to feel the way i did when i was a student with actual goals.


thank you, claire, for making me realize why i was so down lately.
we need to set new goals for ourselves.

Song of the Day: 17 Again (by The Eurythmics)

Who couldn't be together 

And who could not be apart 

We should've jumped out 

Of that airplane after all

 Flying skyways overhead 

It wasn't hard to fall 

happy news

2011 has finally been kinder.


there are things that you just have to share with friends.  i knew i was missing out on something important last friday.  


congratulations, bru and mok. can't wait for may as well. 
call it vicarious elation.
i knew i was reading and re-watching Divine Secrets for a reason.

Song of the Day: San Na Nga Ba'ng Barkada  (by Apo Hiking Society)

Ilang taon din ang nakalipas, bawat isa sa ami’y tatay na.

Nagsusumikap upang yumaman, at guminhawang kinabukasan.

Paminsan-minsan kami’y nagkikita, mga naiwan at natira.

At gaya nung araw namin sa iskwela, pag magkasama ay nagwawala.

570

we're slowly taking over. *MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!*

but seriously, congratulations to my brother. this has been a tough year for all of us, you most of all.
nobody deserves this more than you.

the family symbol. literally the ties that bind. 

Song of the Day: Firework (by Katy Perry)... kasi gusto mong na-LSS ako, brother.

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow

And when it's time you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light

And let it shine

Just own the night

Like the 4th of July

*my song of the day: This =Love (by The Script)

This is why we do it this is worth the pain
This is why we bow down and get back up again
This is where the heart lies, this is from above
Love is this, this is love

see ME date

there are more pressing concerns than depleting the world of the color Precious Pink.


in my case, it's Royal Blue.

Song of the Day: Bitch (by Meredith Brooks)

Just when you think 

You've got me figured out

The season's already changing

cool lolo

walking along the PhilAm building wearing shades, carrying a backpack and his iPod playing to some tune or another.  

sporadic badminton lessons when i was still a newbie.

the angel that always had good news. 

he always had a smile ready for us and i never got to say goodbye.

i thought last friday was as normal a day for both of us as any.  i didn't know it would be the last conversation we would have. i didn't even know that his birthday was coming up.

 my last words were "thank you, kuya, anghel ka talaga." and i mean it now. i am lucky to have known you.

and i will never get to ask you how you got your nickname... 

ang layo naman ng jeric sa norberto. 

you will be missed, kuya jeric. my prayers are with you. happy birthday.

Song of the Day: Blowin' in the Wind

How many times must a man look up

Before he can see the sky?

How many ears must one man have

Before he can hear people cry?

How many deaths will it take till he knows

That too many people have died?

knee-jerk reaction

having someone say "you're pretty" to my face always makes me feel uncomfortable.

especially if it's said by someone i used to like... or maybe i still like him.
so i reacted like any girl would. i aimed carefully and whacked the arm.

that whack was worth a million words, the loudest of all being: if only you hadn't been such a jerk.

Song of the Day: In Demand (by Texas)

You never saw the best of me

There's a side you'll never know

Cause love and loving are two different things

You set your sights far too low

things we love

1. friendships that allow you to think alike even when you're miles apart... or haven't talked in ages
2. chocolate cheerios in bed
3. series marathons
4. hugs
5. toddler nephews singing the alphabet song for the first time


these things keep me in check and prevent me from being the bitter person i almost am.

Song of the Day: Stop & Stare (by One Republic)

Stop and stare

I think I'm moving but I go nowhere

I know that everyone gets scared

But I've become what I can't be 

Oh, do you see what I see

blue skies

it rains because sometimes, the sky just needs to let it all out.


i think i may unleash a storm soon.

Song of the Day: Nothing At All (by Madi Diaz)

I got one foot in front of the other

All I know is what I know

And the one thing left that keeps me together

Will get me over or won't change nothing at all

charlie's angel

the secret to surviving after a breakup (or any other relationship for that matter):


never never put yourself in a position where you're totally dependent on someone else.
always find a way to fill the void.
learn what he/she knows and do it better
so that if/when they leave, you'll barely notice their absence because there will be no void to fill.

Song of the Day: Independent Women (by Destiny's Child)
Tell me how you feel about this
Who would I want if I would wanna live
I worked hard and sacrificed to get what I get
Ladies, it ain't easy bein' independent
Question: How'd you like this knowledge that I brought
Braggin' on that cash that he gave you is to front
If you're gonna brag make sure it's your money you flaunt
Depend on no one else to give you what you want

ghosts

there have been too many hauntings.


i'd rather take on the ghosts of baguio than the one lingering in the aisle between the bleach and detergent.
i ended up purchasing bathroom perfume that i do not need.

Song of the Day: (I Can't Seem To) Make You Mine (by The Clientele)

So I lingered with the people

In the silent August glade

But the rain has brought the night

And the night has brought the rain...

for the first time (a part of 30 things before 30)

i think i may be really a late bloomer.

Song of the Day: Absolutely (Story of a Girl by Nine Days)

How many days in a year 

She woke up with hope but only found fear...

Your clothes never wear as well the next day

Your hair never falls quite the same way...

grade one

i just had to put a sweater on.
then bang my head against the door.

Song of the Day: Songbird (by Fleetwood Mac)

And I wish you all the love in the world

But most of all, I wish it from myself

And the songbirds keep singing like they know the score

And I love you like never before

gene pool

pag magaling, kamag-anak.
pag nagkamali, di naka-mana.


now i know where i got the recessive psycho gene.  hopefully it never has to come out.  
i am stopping myself from unleashing it on its source and let them know they created a monster... just like them. 


it's sad because these are the people i have been taught to call family.

Song of the Day: Girl From The Gutter (by Kina)

For all the times you said "I got your back"

For all the times you stabbed me

For all the times you tried to hurt my pride

For all the pain I held down deep inside

words on cardboard

WILL MARRY FOR KAKANIN.


he asked me to catch him on facebook.


i'd like to catch him. strangle him. take him in my arms and tell him it's all gonna be okay.

Song of the Day: Science & Faith (by The Script)

Having heavy conversations about the furthest constellations of our souls

And we're just trying to find some meaning in the things that we believe in

But we've got some ways to go

Of all of the things she's ever said, she goes and says something that just knocks me dead

You won't find faith or hope down the telescope

You won't find heart and soul in the stars

You can break everything down to chemicals

But you can't explain a love like ours.

dugsh dugsh

one thing i love about my new toy is waking up to an appropriate song.

i just need someone to sing it to me.

Song of the Day: The Man Who Can't Be Moved (by The Script)

Cause maybe one day you'll wake up

And find that you're missing me

And your heart starts to wonder

Where on this earth I could be...