1AM panic attack

it's me who is my enemy
me who beats me up
me who makes the monsters
me who strips my confidence...

last night, i went through the longest and worst panic attack i ever had.

pambie said only the subtle panic attacks can kill you. this one was not so subtle but i wished that the ground would literally open up and swallow me alive.

mae said that there's nothing i can do but pray. it's exactly why i've been having these panic attacks. i hate the feeling of losing control, watching everything happen right before my eyes and there's nothing i can do about it. being the obi-wan of panic attacks, she said i've been having them because i have no faith in myself. maybe she's right.

i am walking on the bridge
i am over the water
and i'm scared as hell
but i know there's something better

It's our song, Claire.
Hopefully, after March 29, we'll be singing a happier song and the boom boom in our hearts will end. Then we can feel the sun shine brighter than Doris day.