the laws that really matter

These are the laws that should be remembered AT ALL TIMES. They won't be any help during the bar but still...
LAWS OF INEVITABILITY

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF PROBABILITY
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

LAW OF THE TELEPHONE
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

LAW OF THE ALIBI
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

VARIATION LAW
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to
move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

LAW OF THE BATH
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

LAW OF THE THEATER
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

LAW OF LOCATION
No matter where you go, there you are.

LAW OF LOGICAL ARGUMENT
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Song of the Day: Elevation (by U2)

I've lost all self-control

Been living like a mole

Now going down, excavation