"Don’t just fall into playing a role.”x x x“Some people always have to be doing battle with someone, sometimes even with themselves, battling with their own lives. So they begin to create a kind of play in their head, and they write the script based on their frustrations.”
x x x
“But the worst part is that they cannot present the play by themselves. So they begin to invite other actors to join in.”
-excerpt from “By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept”
I had an epiphany—sort of. More like old information, an old belief I had which I sadly thought was rendered obsolete by the new millennium. Nobody is unpretty.
It started simply enough. Last night, I asked my youngest brother where I should spend a part of my Christmas money: upgrading my laptop (which is ancient) or a day of pampering at a spa or salon. His reply: “Dun ka na sa upgrade ng laptop mo. Mas may sense na gastusan yun. Kahit naman anong gawin mo, pangit ka pa rin.” Blame it on PMS, singlehood, hypersensitivity, stress or the pure feeling that it was below the belt, I took offense. I wasn’t what he said but rather how he said it. I mean, my cousin calls me "pangit" all the time but I don’t take it to heart since it’s not said in a degrading manner… my other brother teases me about my lack of curves (particularly the booty area) and I know it’s a joke. I know I'm not pangit-- in fact, more than five people (not in any way related to me by blood) have called me pretty without a gun pointed to their heads. So I gave it some thought and told myself that it was just that: a comment. It came from a sixteen year old kid with raging hormones who was locked up in a seminary his whole high school life and doesn’t think Catherine Zeta-Jones is the least bit pretty. It shouldn’t matter. But it does. Because I don’t ever want to be like him. Was I ever like him?
I looked back at my days when I was sixteen, thinking that maybe I forgot what it was like to be a teen-ager kaya ako na-offend. But then, I remember what it was like for me and I never called anyone outright ugly... I used euphemisms to avoid offending anyone. I was tactful. So I decided my brother probably has issues... insecurities that he's channeling his negative energy to those around him. Crab mentality: bring others down to make yourself feel better.
I woke up this morning with a thousand comebacks in my head… things I should’ve said last night like:
1. Sabihin mo yan pag ikaw na ang pinakagwapong nilalang sa mundo. Kaya lang baka hindi mo na masabi… baka di mo ma-gets: hindi ka magiging gwapo.
2. Kung pangit ako, pangit ka din kasi isa lang ang pinanggalingan natin.
3. Buti nang pangit na tao kaysa anak nung dating aso natin… gaya mo… nuninuninu
But if I said any of these things, would it matter? I would still be offended, I would sink down to his level and I won’t be a better person. I would be “falling into a role.” Again, to quote Paulo Coelho, “Be careful. When you join in that game, you always wind up losing.” So instead, I used it as an inspiration for my New Year’s resolution: I will not let anyone fall into a role, any role.
I have probably offended people by my sarcasm the past year and I am sorry for that. I have resolved to keep the lambasting to a minimum. I had a realization: I didn’t like the person I was becoming. I have known, since I was five years old, that there’s something beautiful in every one of us, we just have to look a little closer. I took this knowledge for granted for the past few years and now, almost twenty-years later, it comes back to bite me in the a**.
The people I have made fun of (especially in school) for wearing zebra-like dresses or carrying evening bags in the daytime didn’t dress up to make others think they’re beautiful. It’s because they feel beautiful when they do. I guess it’s the same way I feel after a hot oil treatment or a manicure. And when you feel that you’re beautiful, there’s a feeling that anything’s possible.
I may disagree with you when you say that Britney Spears is the most beautiful creature that existed on this planet but I can't say there’s nothing nice about her. Maybe there is… I just have to take another look at her.
Nobody is unpretty. We are all, in one way or another, beautiful—zebra dress or glittery bags aside. If someone tells us we’re ugly, let’s not fall into that role. Let’s prove Durkheim’s labeling theory wrong. We are not who other people define us to be. It’s up to us to make our own definition of ourselves. And that is my New Year’s resolution: not to define others in any way… let them define themselves. And to take something negative and turn it into a positive.
Nobody is unpretty.
“We are beautiful, no matter what they say
And words can’t bring us down…
We are beautiful in every single way
And words won’t bring us down…”
-Beautiful by Christina Aguillera (can’t believe I’m quoting a Mickey Mouse Club member’s song!)
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Author's note: Sa aking minamahal na kapatid (insert sarcasm here), salamat at tinawag mo akong pangit. Nakapagsulat ako ulit at may New Year's Resolution pa ako. Now, I'm a better person... or at least, on my way there.
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