taking the fall

it's a sad day when the little people are forced to take the blame for stupid things done by those in power.

Song of the Day: Scream (by Michael and Janet Jackson)
Peek in the shadow
Come into the light
You tell me I'm wrong
Then you better prove you're right
You're sellin' out souls but
I care about mine
I've got to get stronger
And I won't give up the fight

an attempt at an apology

From The Mike Abundo Effect:
Filipina college student Tracy Isabel Borres recently interacted with the indigenous Filipino Aeta tribe on an Ateneo de Manila University field trip. She posted nasty things about the tribe on her Facebook page, for only her friends to see. She thought the posts were funny.
One of Tracy’s Facebook friends did not find the posts funny. She found them so unfunny that she took screenshots and circulated them via email. The screenshots are now making the rounds on Filipino mailing lists.
I find Tracy’s posts horribly racist. In fact, I find them so offensive that I will not republish them here. Maybe they were meant to amuse her friends, but they certainly did not amuse me. Nevertheless, I do not condone her friend’s treachery.
I decided to hear Tracy’s side of the story. Here’s her statement.

Yes I am fully aware of the gravity and extent of what is happening right now,
but thank you still. =)
Someone stole it from my CONTACTS only account. Sigh sigh. Thing is i know how rude and offensive it sounded but that was because I was expecting it to be read by my friends only who understood a kind of dark quirky humor of mine that really would make other people mad. It was a post meant to be comical for my friends to laugh at… (exaggerated rudeness and ditzy-ness, although still not with some truth to it of course, i am not excusing my insensitive usage of words but hey! its funny WITH/FOR my friends!)
then of course it leaked. Sigh sigh.I am just waiting for this to blow over
(as typical ‘internet sensations’ usually do), because seriously. People, focus
on real issues not on some spoiled sheltered girl. Haha.if anything, i would
rather you forward my reply to the email. =)i mean really. there are so many
ppl out there who are just so ready and willing to jump at every and any
opportunity to add insult to injury bec it will be inconsequential to them
anyway without knowing the premises or without any sense of discernment
whatsoever. i mean betrayal for leaking my entry by someone i knew was bad
enough right? so now its like i cracked a yo momma joke and everyone thinks i
want to kill their momma! hahaha oh sigh sigh.

again, thank you for your concern. =)

I will forego my Song of the Day to give my two cents' worth. this is, after all, my space:

obviously, she did not achieve that comical effect she was going for. but then again, she's not that much of a writer so why do i expect her to do so? i find her choice of words poor and a "yo momma" joke is not even in the same zip code as this. BUT I'M ENTITLED TO MY OPINION, JUST AS SHE'S ENTITLED TO HERS. freedom of speech, right? although this freedom won't protect her from icy stares and daggers from a total stranger's eyes being thrown her way.

the future... down the drain

a friend gave me a link to a website that showed facebook notes from a certain Tracy Isabel Borres. her notes spoke of her experiences during an immersion trip required by ateneo de manila and after reading the first page i wanted to find out who she was, where she was located, hang her upside down, soak her in warm warm honey and feed her to the bees and ants and all of God's glorious stinging creatures.

plus, she had the audacity to ask for comfort. i wanted to take her to a cliff and push her over the edge and listen to the sweet sound of her screams before the inevitable thud.

she is the classic example of the youth today as i perceive them:

they feel like they know it all but they forgot the basics.

they feel like they are above everyone else but they never actually reached the top.

they wish for freedom but refuse to let go of their chains.

they want to be treated like adults but act like juvenile delinquents.

shame on her for reinforcing this belief about her generation.

is this what our future holds? it makes me wonder, will the future be worth waiting for?

Song of the Day: Stupid Girl (by Garbage)

You pretend you're anything

Just to be adored

And what you need

Is what you get

semper fidelis

for the first time, a music video brought me to tears.

early on a sunday morning, with nothing to watch, i started channel surfing and came upon daughtry's video of "what about now?" there were captions throughout the four minute song that made me want to do something to change the world, although i have no idea where or how to start. one of the captions read: today is in a corner of the world... someone is hurting, homeless, hungry... that someone could be you. it also asked the question that i had been asking since high school: i am just an average joe trying to make ends meet... can i make a difference?

i've been thinking about a lot of things these past few weeks. is the world so depressing now that all we could focus on is our own problems that make us oblivious to the bigger picture? we forget there are bigger things in the world that our petty issues like getting a food other than what we had asked for. we complain and grumble rather than be thankful that we at least have something and that we do not worry about how or where we will scavenge for our next meal.

maybe i cannot change the world alone. in one way or another, we are all hurting, homeless, hungry. the least we could do is share both the good and the bad. maybe we could not eliminate the pain, the loss or hunger but at least we can share the burden.

these are a few of the piercing statements in the video that i consider my litany:

i am THE DIFFERENCE
between justice and injustice
between right and wrong
the voice lives on when someone takes a stand and says
i am the end of poverty
i am a different path
i am believe in your humanity
i am a wave of compassion
i am the end of ignorance
i am the call for human rights
i am human
i am the hands that heal all mankind
i am light and the gift of vision
i am the heart that keeps a child alive
i am the dream that becomes reality

and my own statement:
i am ALWAYS FAITHFUL in the innate goodness of mankind.

something to look forward to

the torres family, according to tv patrol, suffered a tragedy last month. a fire raged their house and took the lives of their two children. i watched the news this evening, thinking that there can't be that much bad news on new year's day. there were the usual political pr stunts (i.e. officials celebrating the coming of 2008 in baguio, saying that they will go back to work tomorrow--whatever that means), reports on which movie's leading in the film fest, fire in explosives central (bocaue-- eh di natuto din kayo!), etc. but then, something made up for all of it.

this year, as a christmas present to the torres family, an anonymous donor actually gave them a house and lot (and it was a really nice home) plus educational plans for the children. it warms my heart on this cold new year's day to know that someone out there still cares for others and isn't doing it just for the publicity. whoever you may be, wherever you may be, God bless you.

sana marami pang kagaya mo.

Better late than never... an appeal to all ethnic groups

Dear Friends, I have just read and signed the online petition: "Filipino Americans demand for apology from ABC and Desperate Housewives" hosted on the web by PetitionOnline.com, the free online petition service, at: http://www.petitiononline.com/FilABC/petition.html

This is not just about Filipinos or the medical profession. If the writers of the show feel comfortable enough to target a particular group (in this case, our doctors), what's to stop the from slandering other ethnic groups or professions? Who's going to be next? African Americans? Mexicans? teachers? lawyers (though they deserve it half the time =P )? mothers? Chinese?

They say we should focus on our problems regarding poverty and corruption. But with comments like the one given in the show, we will never get the chance to pick ourselves up from where we fell... they will never give us the chance.

People say that the writers and Teri Hatcher should pray that they never find themselves in the hands of a Filipino medical professional because they might exact revenge. But let's prove them wrong. Let's show these insensitive people that we are better than they are, that we will not sink to their level. Let their consciences shout out to them if they ever get sick and are cured by the quality doctors and nurses that came from "some med school in the Philippines."

We're defensive because we know that the statement is an utter falsity. That's our excuse. What's theirs?

*it's sad because i used to think that they had a brilliant script writer to come up with lines that went straight to your heart. yes, the lines do pierce your heart in every way and this time, it made my heart bleed.

For the Coffeeholics

Smell the Coffee and Wake Up (from http://www.peyups.com/)

an article by jjvl (edited by arwen)

Coffee. The word means different things to different kinds of people. For a few, it means the luxury of enjoying exotic flavors from around the world. To some, it means the chance of pretending to afford and enjoy this luxury. To others, it means daily fare to keep them awake and alert for their daily labor. Finally, for a steadily growing number of Filipinos, it equates with their very survival. Coffee is more than a mere beverage consisting of alkali, sugar and other compounds. It is a symbol of social and economic status, of prestige, and of power. In every stir and sip, and in every drop is the story not only of the person drinking it, but of the society as well.

Drop by a classy café or restaurant. Chances are, you would see at least one person drinking coffee at any given time of the day. The coffee there comes in many different flavors, with a variety of syrups, flavoring, toppings, cream and other add-ons to create a vast combination for drinking pleasure in different sizes. Imagine that you’re modestly well-to-do, if not filthy rich. Take your pick. Order your cup. Read a book and enjoy the comforts of a relaxed lounge atmosphere. Pay your bill: use either cash or credit card for your purchase. Then drive off, feeling better with that one dose of sheer pleasure to make your day.

Now imagine you’re not really rich or well-to-do. Remember: You had to save for this trip to the café, so make it count. You approach the counter and give your order with enough élan and sophistication to shame any high-browed socialite. You find a seat closest to the door where everyone can see you sipping an expensive cup. A friend comes in, and you feign surprise. You invite her to order a cup and join you. Three hours pass, and amazingly, your cups aren’t even half empty. The coffee’s cold, but you don’t mind, as you wave to your acquaintances passing by outside. Yes, that was good, wasn’t it?

It’s midnight, and you have to beat a deadline. Hours pass without much productivity, so you cram. Finding the nearest cup of warm water and a sachet of instant 3-in-1 coffee, you pour everything in and stir. Satisfied with that brownish tinge, you chug it down in one gulp. Now, that ought to perk you up, for the fourth time in two hours. Minutes tick by and your deadline comes closer. God, the stress is killing you. But hey, there’s still one more sachet left to calm you down. You finish a few minutes before deadline, you prepare that last cup and drink it. You feel like passing out, but you’re wide awake. Your head hurts, and it’s driving you mad.

You have a family of seven. You have a job, thank God, but it’s not enough to cover the costs of daily living. At least you have enough to buy rice. Cooped up in the four walls of your flimsy shanty, you prepare another mix of rice and instant coffee powder. That would be enough to keep your children’s stomachs from grumbling, at least for another day. They ate batchoy yesterday anyway, so a little sacrifice today wouldn’t hurt. You mix a little condensed milk for extra flavor, with some water to spread it. You don’t complain – better to eat once than not eat at all. Dinner is served.

In the simplest of things, like coffee, we can see the grim realities of Filipino society. It’s appalling how some could casually spend for their luxuries, while others are at the brink of starvation. A friend once told me how guilty he felt when a street kid asked him for alms when he left a Starbucks. Whether he gave the poor thing anything, I don’t really remember. What’s sad is that many of us don’t really care. I don’t know if apathy and indifference are side effects of caffeine overconsumption. To some extent, there is blood in your coffee. I guess what’s important is that even when we enjoy coffee as a creature comfort, we do not forget those among us whose very survival hangs on a thread. Everytime we perk up, our social consciousness should also get a jolt.

Smell the coffee and wake up.

The Beauty of the Constitution

This is one of my favorite scenes from the movie "With Honors"

Simon Wilder: You asked the question, sir, now let me answer it. The beauty of the Constitution is that it can always be changed. The beauty of the Constitution is that it makes no set law other than faith in the wisdom of ordinary people to govern themselves.

Proffesor Pitkannan: Faith in the wisdom of the people is exactly what makes the Constitution incomplete and crude.

Simon Wilder: Crude? No, sir. Our "founding parents" were pompous, white, middle-aged farmers, but they were also great men. Because they knew one thing that all great men should know: that they didn't know everything. Sure, they'd make mistakes, but they made sure to leave a way to correct them. The president is not an "elected king," no matter how many bombs he can drop. Because the "crude" Constitution doesn't trust him. He's just a bum, okay Mr. Pitkannan? He's just a bum.

Patience is a virtue...

A lot of things can happen while waiting.

Yesterday, I was waiting for a friend somewhere when a girl approached me. "Excuse me, miss. Can I take a couples of minutes of your time?" I managed to put on a straight face and make a gesture to the effect that she can indeed take a "couples of minutes" of my time but inside, I was screaming OH MY GOD, worthy of Janice from the sitcom "Friends."

It turned out the girl was doing some fundraising thing... selling pens with calendars and all but I didn't understand another word she said, not because of the constant chatter of the people around us nor the music from some loudspeaker or another but because my mind just stopped understanding what she was saying and focused on every little grammatical error she made. Yes, the Grammar Nazi has returned. Funny things happen to those who wait.

Waiting. I hate that word.

Waiting. If you really want to torture someone, make him/her wait for something (or someone). You'll never know what the future holds and you can't do anything else but wait. It's the most horrifying word in the dictionary. Waiting.

Waiting.

That was what a girl was doing late last night by the Manila Peninsula. I was dropping my friend off at the taxi stand near the hotel so I slowed down a bit since I wasn't too familiar with the area. A girl in black was there, smiling in the general direction of the car and I thought that she mistook the car for someone else's... thinking it was her sundo. But then, she waved her hand in a way that I could only interpret as a pick-me-up signal. I wonder how long she's been waiting in that very spot and how long it took before another car came after me... one that would take her up on her offer. It's fascinating how tomorrow's bills will be paid by waiting by a lamp post at 11:30 p.m.

Waiting.

It's what I'm doing now... waiting for the COMELEC Precinct Finder page to load. I keep on thinking about a lot of things while waiting: how much I actually enjoyed taking up the 6 units of Filipino, Eric Bana as the father of my future illegitimate children, that I need to remind my groupmate to email me the powerpoint presentation for Tuesday, Eric Bana, the poor girl that offered me the pens but I couldn't blurt out anything coherent because I was trying so hard not to laugh..."

Waiting.

The most painful thing in the world. The worst way to torture yourself. But here I am, inflicting pain on myself.

I've been waiting for a lot of things... a lot of people for most of my life. But sometimes, waiting just isn't enough. A lot of things happen while we wait around-- life happens. And now, I'm ready to be part of what happens outside the world of waiting.

Exclusive Schools: Like...Whatever!

(my first article submitted to www.peyups.com)

“Oh my God! As in? Promise? It’s like… so confusing ha!”

“I swear, he is like… the cutest guy ever. Totally!”

“You know what? Her outfit is so baduy ha! It’s so last season!”

“Are you kidding me? I’m totally not going there! It’s so kadiri!”

“Those girls from that school are so unbelievably… oh gosh, (sabay roll the eyes then taas ng perfectly plucked or shaved kilay) like… they’re so duh!”

These are the words spoken in high pitched voices that we laugh at every time someone says them. All I can say is I used to speak that way. And sometimes, I revert into that dark side of mine para lang mang-inis ng tao.

Nakakapagtaka bakit natin pinagtatawanan ang mga taong ganito and why we always attribute these words to girls who came from exclusive schools, which I will not name for fear that someone might get offended. At hipokrita ako kapag sinabi kong hindi ako nagsalita ng ganito eh majority ng twenty-four years na namalagi ako sa mundong ito, sa all-girls’ school ako nanggaling. Apat na bagay lang ang pumapasok sa utak ng tao kapag sinabing exclusive school for girls: (1) maarte, (2) may kaaway na ibang girls’ school (na hindi natin alam kung saan talaga nagsimula), (3) hindi siya nakakuha ng virginity award nung graduation, OR (4) lesbian. Hindi lahat ng taga-exclusive school nasa isa sa mga categories na iyan habang buhay. That’s all a part of a phase that adolescent girls in such an environment go through.
I’m not trying to justify why girls from these schools are like that and I am not making fun of them… not now anyway. May mga panahon na nang-aasar lang ako ng tao dahil pag nalaman nila saan ako nag-high school, bigla akong babanatan ng mga salitang panimula ko sa article na ‘to. O, eh di ibigay kung anong ine-expect nila tapos pag dating sa acads, mapapa-wow nalang sila kasi pag dating ng recitation, biglang nawala yung slang. Or ma-shock sila kasi mas malutong pa ako sa chicharon magsabi ng mmmm…ina mo.(baka ma-censor)

Nasabi ko na kanina, galing ako sa exclusive school at natuto lang ako magsalita ng normal nung nag-college ako (kasi naman po, pag nagsalita ako ng ganun sa UP, malamang, na- KABLAM na ako di ba?). Naalala niyo yung “Legally Blonde” and how they were biased against her just because she was blonde? I think that the same thing is happening here: that we label people just because they came from exclusive schools. Affected pa ako nung college, lalo na nung sumali ako ng org kasi kapag tinatanong ako tuwing reporting at sasagot ako ng matino, inaartehan na nila yung pagsasalita nila… for the lack of a better way to express it… “kasi it’s like they were mocking me na.”

I’m already a law student and at this level, akala ko limot na yung labeling phase and people would be more mature so as not to judge by the schools. Eh kung yung “war” between exclusive girls’ schools nga hinayaan ko na (funny, my closest friends from college and in law school are from other girls’ schools), yung labeling pa? May classmate ako nung first year na loyalty awardee na ng isang exclusive girls’ school (kung may law nga lang daw dun, dun na rin siya nag-law eh). When a guy in our class found out where she was from, sabi nung guy, “Di ba lahat ng taga-_______ pok-pok?” What the *@#%? Leche, o ayun, nasampal siya nung friend ko! At hindi na ulit nagtangkang mag-comment ng ganun yung guy kasi baka hindi lang sampal ang abutin niya sakin pag may sinabi siyang similar comment sa akin. Baka makabalita nalang kayo ng law student na pinatay ng kaklase…

ANYHOO…

My point is: let’s not judge people because they went to a certain school or spoke in a certain manner. Hindi naman yun ang talagang nagpapakita kung sino sila hindi ba? It’s how they adjusted to that kind of environment that shaped the kind of people they are now. Bata pa lang tayo, tinuruan na tayo “not to judge a book by it’s cover.” Let me rephrase that to suit the situation: Do not judge a person by the school he or she went to. Anong magiging feeling niyo kapag kayo yung binigyan ng comment na kagaya nung binigay nung classmate ko? Kunyari makarinig kayo ng comment na “Ah, yung _________ (whatever school you went to, my dear reader)? Hindi ba bagsakan ng bagsak yan? Tingnan natin hindi kayo makasapak ng tao.

Para naman dun sa mga taong na-mention ko sa article na ito, specifically those from exclusive girls’ schools, sisterettes, ipakita ninyo na hindi lahat babaeng galing sa mga paaralan natin ay gaya ng sinasabi ng ibang makikitid ang utak. Patunayan natin na hindi lahat ng taga-all girls’ schools ay kaartehan lang ang alam. May ibubuga din naman tayo pag dating sa acads ha. Marami tayong pwedeng magawa para sa lipunan. Kaya lang sabi nila: “When a man speaks up, everybody listens. When a woman speaks up, people look at the packaging and if they like what they see, they listen.” I’m not sure if it’s true pero narinig siguro yung ng mga madreng nagpapalakad ng mga eskwelahan natin kaya naisip nila na plus points din yung magandang packaging kaya tayo binigyan ng kikay classes. It may sound biased pero I think that was supposed to be an eye-opener on how women are still discriminated against by some people… except that the nuns did not expect that their plan would backfire and some students would concentrate on the kikay stuff instead of acads. Yung Dalagang Pilipina program nila ay unti-unting nawala sa curriculum dahil na-misinterpret ito ng ibang estudyante bilang “how-to-make-paligaw class that later became “how-to-make-ligaw-a-guy” class. Once again, I emphasize the words SOME students.

So, next time na makarinig kayo ng “Let’s make tusok-tusok the fishball,” don’t judge at once. Get to know the person first and then you have the right to comment na maarte, coño, malandi o okay lang pala. Hindi niyo alam, baka kagaya kong lokang nang-gagago yung nakakausap niyong taga-girls’ school, leading you on na brainless bimbo siya tapos mapapa-wow nalang kayo sa performance niya sa class or sa pagiging jologs niya (there is a jologs hiding in every one of us). I’d like to emphasize para mag-stick sa utak ng nagbabasa: DO NOT GO BY FIRST IMPRESSIONS, BECAUSE THEY ARE OFTEN WRONG. I swear, as in.

Grammatical Horrors

I live in a world where grammar is everything. I'm sorry but I do. Probably because I'm obsessive compulsive or a perfectionist that I feel everything has to be right... even grammar. It's an atrocity to read a paragraph full of grammatical errors beyond your wildest imagination. When I was a kid, my grandmother required me to speak English wherever I went so that I wouldn't be able to commit the same grammatical mistakes she did. My family sent me to the best schools and according to my uncle, my ability to communicate in the English language (sad to say, I'm better in English than in Filipino) will be a lot of help when I take the bar exams. Even if I am better in communicating in English, I know the basic Filipino rules on grammar and spelling. I'm careful to follow the few grammatical rules I remember from high school (thank you, Ginang De Vera, wherever you may be). Yes, I make mistakes too but they're never intentional. So you could imagine my shock and horror in reading a funny email from my cousin about how people fill out their friendster profiles.

Let me give you an example. And I quote:

Hometown: nAVOetAst
About Me: aqOuh?? .. cHimPle LAng.. bUT cAn maKE yUr hEAd tURn ,, *HoTcHiC**sEXy dAw..cHAvii nG mGAh fWEnDz qEw .. sVi qEw nAMn.. mAdAnDa aqEw.. maArTE?/..sObra ** hiHi.. nDi mHEii mAarTE.. kAla nYOuh lAng yUn,, kSHi cHigURo .. yU fOUnd mE.. wEAriNg uNiqUe eAriNgs..USing mAkEuP.. oWeYs lOoKing mY fACe in tHE mirror.. mAarTE bAh yUN?
who i want to meet: "xA aCcoUnt qEw..kHit cHiNU pwEde.. kHit ikA'y mUkhang.. tAtaNgAPEn kiTAh bsTAh bAH TEZti cOUh aAhh"

End quote.

Now, tell me you liked reading that. Tell me your eyes didn't come this close (this is the part where I hold my thumb and forefinger so close together) to bleeding and popping out. My English grammar and Filipino teachers would have strokes just reading that.
I blame text messaging for the decline in... our literacy rate in terms of grammar. And rap songs. I just get so irked reading paragraphs written in text linggo... come on, people! You don't have to press the same button five times to get to a specific letter. There it is, the whole alphabet laid down before you. And I don't think that you have to limit your paragraphs to a hundred and sixty letters so the shortcuts for words are not necessary. If you say that friendster has only so much space for the items, then quit inserting the H's and the pa-cute language. You think we enjoy seeing that? Instead of inserting unnecessary letters, why not spell other words fully and correctly? I admit, again, I make mistakes in grammar but the key element here is intent. They do this on purpose. Why? Why? What higher purpose would it serve?

I had a Norwegian friend who told me that she found Filipinos interesting... especially the fact that we could speak and write in English better than most Americans. That was ten years ago, before text messaging. I wonder what she'll say now if I forward my cousin's funny friendster stuff email to her.

The Americans, according to one of my favorite professors, bastardized the English language with their pronunciation and accent and slang. So if American English is the bastardized version... I think that these text-linggo addicts are responsible for a massacre-- or at least a double murder. The English language isn't their only victim here... they're also murdering our own language. I think that's the bigger crime.

Dahil Pangit Daw Ako

(submitted to Peyups.com as batgirl95)
"Don’t just fall into playing a role.”x x x“Some people always have to be doing battle with someone, sometimes even with themselves, battling with their own lives. So they begin to create a kind of play in their head, and they write the script based on their frustrations.”
x x x
“But the worst part is that they cannot present the play by themselves. So they begin to invite other actors to join in.”
-excerpt from “By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept”

I had an epiphany—sort of. More like old information, an old belief I had which I sadly thought was rendered obsolete by the new millennium. Nobody is unpretty.

It started simply enough. Last night, I asked my youngest brother where I should spend a part of my Christmas money: upgrading my laptop (which is ancient) or a day of pampering at a spa or salon. His reply: “Dun ka na sa upgrade ng laptop mo. Mas may sense na gastusan yun. Kahit naman anong gawin mo, pangit ka pa rin.” Blame it on PMS, singlehood, hypersensitivity, stress or the pure feeling that it was below the belt, I took offense. I wasn’t what he said but rather how he said it. I mean, my cousin calls me "pangit" all the time but I don’t take it to heart since it’s not said in a degrading manner… my other brother teases me about my lack of curves (particularly the booty area) and I know it’s a joke. I know I'm not pangit-- in fact, more than five people (not in any way related to me by blood) have called me pretty without a gun pointed to their heads. So I gave it some thought and told myself that it was just that: a comment. It came from a sixteen year old kid with raging hormones who was locked up in a seminary his whole high school life and doesn’t think Catherine Zeta-Jones is the least bit pretty. It shouldn’t matter. But it does. Because I don’t ever want to be like him. Was I ever like him?

I looked back at my days when I was sixteen, thinking that maybe I forgot what it was like to be a teen-ager kaya ako na-offend. But then, I remember what it was like for me and I never called anyone outright ugly... I used euphemisms to avoid offending anyone. I was tactful. So I decided my brother probably has issues... insecurities that he's channeling his negative energy to those around him. Crab mentality: bring others down to make yourself feel better.

I woke up this morning with a thousand comebacks in my head… things I should’ve said last night like:
1. Sabihin mo yan pag ikaw na ang pinakagwapong nilalang sa mundo. Kaya lang baka hindi mo na masabi… baka di mo ma-gets: hindi ka magiging gwapo.
2. Kung pangit ako, pangit ka din kasi isa lang ang pinanggalingan natin.
3. Buti nang pangit na tao kaysa anak nung dating aso natin… gaya mo… nuninuninu

But if I said any of these things, would it matter? I would still be offended, I would sink down to his level and I won’t be a better person. I would be “falling into a role.” Again, to quote Paulo Coelho, “Be careful. When you join in that game, you always wind up losing.” So instead, I used it as an inspiration for my New Year’s resolution: I will not let anyone fall into a role, any role.

I have probably offended people by my sarcasm the past year and I am sorry for that. I have resolved to keep the lambasting to a minimum. I had a realization: I didn’t like the person I was becoming. I have known, since I was five years old, that there’s something beautiful in every one of us, we just have to look a little closer. I took this knowledge for granted for the past few years and now, almost twenty-years later, it comes back to bite me in the a**.

The people I have made fun of (especially in school) for wearing zebra-like dresses or carrying evening bags in the daytime didn’t dress up to make others think they’re beautiful. It’s because they feel beautiful when they do. I guess it’s the same way I feel after a hot oil treatment or a manicure. And when you feel that you’re beautiful, there’s a feeling that anything’s possible.

I may disagree with you when you say that Britney Spears is the most beautiful creature that existed on this planet but I can't say there’s nothing nice about her. Maybe there is… I just have to take another look at her.

Nobody is unpretty. We are all, in one way or another, beautiful—zebra dress or glittery bags aside. If someone tells us we’re ugly, let’s not fall into that role. Let’s prove Durkheim’s labeling theory wrong. We are not who other people define us to be. It’s up to us to make our own definition of ourselves. And that is my New Year’s resolution: not to define others in any way… let them define themselves. And to take something negative and turn it into a positive.
Nobody is unpretty.

“We are beautiful, no matter what they say
And words can’t bring us down…
We are beautiful in every single way
And words won’t bring us down…”
-Beautiful by Christina Aguillera (can’t believe I’m quoting a Mickey Mouse Club member’s song!)

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Author's note: Sa aking minamahal na kapatid (insert sarcasm here), salamat at tinawag mo akong pangit. Nakapagsulat ako ulit at may New Year's Resolution pa ako. Now, I'm a better person... or at least, on my way there.

What Are You Afraid Of?

Fear is an ally. Make friends with fear from “A Time To Kill” by John Grisham


How do you make friends with fear? You face them. You have to do something that you’ve been terrified of doing with the faith that you will survive through the ordeal.


At first I was afraid I was petrified…


That brings us to figuring out the answer to the overrated question: What are you afraid of? In the Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Eowyn (Miranda Otto) answered this question beautifully. “I fear neither death nor pain.” What did she fear? “A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them. And all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire.” As things go haywire, you try to run to prevent harm but all you can do is watch and accept the reality that somehow, the world is conspiring to keep you from doing anything to help. Like maybe you weren’t meant to win this battle.



Shane Falco (Keanu Reeves) had a good answer too in “The Replacements.” He said one word: Quicksand. He further explained that it was the feeling that everything was going your way and in a split second, everything goes wrong. Then you do everything you can to get back in the game but the more you struggle, the lower you sink until you can’t breathe. Quicksand. Like somehow, you weren’t meant to win this game.


A lot of my friends are afraid of the flying ipis… somehow you can’t kill it no matter how accurate your aim is. It goes on flying across the room and terrorizing you no matter how deadly your slipper is. It threatens to land on you as if it doesn’t matter that the whole house is reeking with the fatal smell of Baygon. Like somehow, this ipis is immortal… you were never meant to kill this ipis.



Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? It’s the sound of inevitability.” That is what I fear most… the inevitable and my own Agent (later on Mister) Smith saying, “Do you hear that? It’s the sound of inevitability.” My heart beats faster at the realization, my palms get sweaty and I get panic attacks because in the middle of the process of trying to salvage things, I hear the sound of inevitability. I hyperventilate as I try to do all I physically, mentally and emotionally can to prevent what I know is unavoidable—the kind of fortuitous event that the law defines as “forseen but unavoidable even with the exercise of diligence of a good father of the family.” Like somehow, I’m not supposed to finish this race.
But I grew strong And I learned how to get along…


Face your fear. Maybe I’m meant to lose this game. Maybe this is not the battle I’m meant to win, not the ipis I’m meant to kill. So until I find what’s meant for me and the universe conspires to help me attain that goal, I have to go through quicksand again, attempt to kill another flying ipis, find another way to escape from the cage and hear Mr. Smith say that it’s the sound of inevitability with the hope that the inevitable is a happy ending.



Oh no not I...I will survive As long as I know how to love I know I’ll stay alive…


Fear is a friend. It will help you find your destiny.
What are you afraid of?







-submitted to www.peyups.com