making peace but feeling the fear

after three years, i once again saw the professor that put the worst boom boom into my heart.

i have made my peace but the fear never left me.

i respect him but the mere thought of running into him scares the bejesus out of me.

but i will never forget the lessons he taught me. i owe him a big and long overdue THANK YOU.

Song of the Day: The Heart of the Matter (India Arie)

All the people in your life who've come and gone

They let you down, you know they hurt your pride

Better put it all behind you cause life goes on

You keep carryin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside
I wanna live happily ever after

And my heart is so shattered

But I know it's about forgiveness

sa library ni kuya

when you've been hanging out at the library as long as we have, you tend to run into all sorts of characters:

"Big Brother" - the omnipresent, omniscient and benevolent librarian who promised that as long as he was the "kuya" of the library, we will never be evicted. thank you, kuya bernard, for the encouragement and for your endless patience.

"The Photocopier" - ate marlyn, who patiently takes our photocopy orders and delivers them to our table free of charge. she lends us her scissors, pens, pillows and a helping hand. she patiently listens to our ramblings and gives us subtle encouragements. she is an angel.

"Paris Hilton" - the non-Bedan reviewee who does not know how to respect other people's property and constantly chats with his table-mate without even thinking that others are bothered by his actions.

"Kim Kardashian" - the Paris wannabe, look-alike ng kalaban.

"Mr. Nice Guy" - I'm assuming he's a friend or merely an acquaintance of "Paris" who tries to do some damage control by sitting somewhere else when "Paris" is around so that he won't be part of a group that bothers others. He is meek, quiet, considerate, nice and very very respectful of others who are trying to pretend that they're studying. He is only guilty by association and nothing else.

"Quasi-Annie" - the lady who walks to other tables, opens books and lecture notes just to see what the other reviewees are reading. she is intrusive and sometimes smiles at what she's reading and suddenly laughs alone. ate pau thinks she's got a bar buddy we can't see.

"The Garfields" - some get to the library early and some cannot show up before 10am. some are occasionally quiet and some burst into the chorus of Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now. there is always food on their table and the same table by some miracle induces sleep. the table is never empty. we have marked our territory and we will stay there until september. in this table, there is constant laughter, music, the occasional tequila dance and no spaces between the seats (ang hahaba kasi ng legs pag nag-stretch ng paa).

One has to wonder, ano kayang sinasabi nila tungkol sa amin?

In the library where we were once rumored to be banned, there are a lot of characters and there will be more come June. no matter how different we all are, we all go through the same stress, the same trials and we will achieve the same triumphs.

Song of the Day: The Remedy by Jason Mraz

The remedy is the experience.

This is a dangerous liaison

I say the comedy is that it's serious.

monotonous days

araw-araw nalang ganito ang buhay ko. walang katapusang pagbabasa. bakit? BAKIT? BAKIIIT?
these are the endless days and sleepless nights, constant anxiety and mental anguish.

All the words that I've been reading
Have now started the act of bleeding
Into one.

So I walk up on high
And I step to the edge
To see my world below.
And I laugh at myself
While the tears roll down.
'Cause it's the world I know.
It's the world I know.

Song of the Day: The World I Know by Collective Soul

rehearsing for better days (brought to you by el hombre)

pambie: mahina ang tama ng el hombre.


pambie: traydor pala yang el hombre. akala mo walang tama pero pag tayo mo nakakahilo.
ten minutes later... she was fast asleep.

kai: walang cuervo eh. el hombre nalang... uncle ni don enrique at ni jose cuervo.

She said, child we are all moons in the dark of night.
Ain't no morning's gonna come 'til the time is right.
Can't get to better days lest you make it through the night.
You gotta make it through the night. 

Song of the Day: Better Days (by Dianne Reeves)

walk in fields of gold

Song of the Day: Fields of Gold by Sting

Many years have passed since those summer days

Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
Among the fields of gold
You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in the fields of gold

Genoveva Magpantay Cuevas

She always had a smile ready for everyone and a voice that boomed with happiness.

She was and is loved by many. She will always be remembered.

We miss you, Ate Jhennie.

woman in chains

I hate the feeling of helplessness:
When I know that whatever I do will never be enough because it's out of my hands
When I know that I can never change things alone but nobody else has the courage or capacity to help
When I know all I can do is wait and nothing I say will change things
When I know that I am but one voice unheard.
When all I can do is watch somebody slip away.

SONG OF THE DAY: Woman In Chains (Tears for Fears)
Well, I feel lying and waiting is a poor man's deal
And I feel hopelessly weighed down by your eyes of steel
Well, It's a world gone crazy keeps woman in chains

Bittersweet

And you stood before me knowing that the wings I have you gave.
And that’s just the way it goes now.
And I barely have the breath to breathe much less to fly away.
And that’s just the way it goes now.
And a silence entered the room for a one last,
"I’m gonna love you."
So God bless and thank you.

Song of the day: Bittersweet by Sara Bareilles

It was indeed bittersweet.
A memory of walking up the stairs only to find my world had stopped for five seconds.
He is halfway around the world and I am now ready to let go of the "I love you, Sabado" songs.
A visit to reaffirm the friendship that disguised itself as something more.

Top the bar, he said. It's a long shot but will try although there is no promise in that.

Thank you for your faith in me.
They're celebrating 5 years of being together. Happy Anniversary, ID. I wish all the happiness for both of you.