Tuesday, March 31, 2009

If (by Rudyard Kipling)

If you can keep your head when all about you 
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings 
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

how soon is now

i am once more doing a countdown...

of endless days and sleepless nights
of dreams and nightmares
of heartbeats and tears
of promises and reassurances
of aspirations and fears

three more days and it will all be over... whatever over means.

only God can help me now.

Song of the Day: It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over (by Lenny Kravitz)
So many tears I've cried 
So much pain inside 
But, baby, it ain't over 'til it's over 

Friday, March 27, 2009

of wednesday mornings, saturday afternoons and friday evenings

on a warm saturday afternoon in march, all it took was a two minute bathroom conversation to reduce me to a sissy.  i was treated with more kindness, understanding and patience than i deserved.  my friends stood by me through the darkest hours and cried when my eyes were all dried out. 

on a friday evening in march, i realized i did choose the right path five months ago although this was not one i meant to take.  i don't plan to stay long but i'm sure glad i walked a few meters of it.

next wednesday is still hazy but whatever it is that the fog covers, i know somebody will be there with me in the moment of great weakness (whether it be from being too happy or on the verge of breaking down).  they say i should claim my right.  i am claiming it, i just don't know if the courts will agree with me.

all i have to do now is wait for mr. anderson telling me that he can hear the sound of inevitability.  the wait is pure torture.

Song of the Day:  Dazed, Beautiful and Bruised (by Catatonia)
Between the lines I think you'll find
Lessons learned from alleys blind
Beauty can turn sour
But recognise through all the lies
The hero of the hour

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

more manic mondays

after a tiring week topped by a karaoke night that needed no alcohol, waking up late on a monday morning seemed to be a bad start for the week.  but on a bus on the way home, seeing young men give up their seats for women and children made up for all the crap i went through the past months.  there are still good people in this world.  and i realized there is still hope for mankind.  

Song of the Day: Bubbly (by Colbie Callait)
It starts in my toes
And I crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes I always know
That you make me smile 
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time wherever you go

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Song of the Day

This is my world
This is who i am
And I'm not trying to give up myself 
To make your life better 

She said
This is how 
I got my own life to live
And you can either accept me 
Or baby let me go...
- This Is My World (by Darius Rucker)

--Nothing follows--
Need I say more?

Monday, March 2, 2009

realization from The Tudors

I have been a Thomas More.

I have always been an unwitting Anne.

I will never be a Henry.

Perhaps I have been a Cardinal Wosley.

But this is the first time I have been a Katherine in each and every way without intending to be. Upon this realization, I refuse to stay a Katherine.

I need not give any explanation. I do not need to be excused. All I need is an understanding ear.

Song of the Day: Dead From The Waist Down (by Catatonia)

We are sleeping on our feet
We stole the songs from birds in trees
Bought us time on easy street
Now our paths they never meet
We chose to court and flatter greed, ego disposability
I caught a glimpse, and it's not me

complication

there are a lot of things happening in the world but i can only obsess about one thing at a time.

i need to get past this one obstacle and i can get on with my mission to do my part in changing the world, one little thing at a time.

a little patience would help. 

Song of the Day: Dazed, Beautiful and Bruised (by Catatonia)

I've got my work cut out with you
You tore bits out of me
Your carpet burns and bruises blue
And there for all to see