The Sound of My Childhood

The hills are alive with the sound of music

With songs they have sung for a thousand years

The hills fill my heart with the sound of music

My heart wants to sing every song it hears

I was supposed to be studying yesterday but then, for some reason, I ended up watching The Sound of Music. I've seen the movie a thousand times since I was four but for some reason (most likely PMS), it felt like I was watching it for the first time. I felt the anticipation during the prelude, and I sang along when Julie Andrews was twirling on the mountain singing "The hills are alive with the sound of music..." I wanted to twirl along but then again, to see a 25-year-old twirling around her room singing "The Sound of Music" at the top of her lungs... something's not quite right. If I murdered someone, I'd probably be exempt due to insanity.

When I was four or five, I loved The Sound of Music. Every morning, I would put on the vinyl on the record player and prance around our living room, singing along to "I Am Sixteen," jumping across chairs, mimicking the scene with Liesl and Rolfe .

My heart wants to beat like the wings of the birds

that rise from the lake to the trees

My heart wants to sigh like a chime that flies

from a church on a breeze

To laugh like a brook when it trips and falls overstones on its way

To sing through the night like a lark who is learning to pray

When I turned eight, it was Annie. I sang "Tomorrow" with a vengeance (I still do). I cleared out my toys singing "It's a Hard Knock Life" and when I was alone, I would hum "Maybe" to myself. As I grew up, I turned to the musicals with more mature themes... Les Miserables and Miss Saigon. I remember being twelve and singing "I Dreamed a Dream" and "I'd Give My Life for You" with my cousin, trying so hard to reach the high notes.

I guess I lost touch with my "Broadway" persona as I grew up. I was introduced to pop, rock and everything in between so I stashed away all the records, tapes and cds of the musicals but yesterday, you could say I listened to the child within. I actually cried when the children were singing for the Baroness and the Captain joined in.

Now I know what will calm me down after a storm... literally and figuratively. Some people go to a bar to wash out their weariness with a couple of drinks. Some go home, sit on a comfortable chair and listen to Puccini. Some play sports. I have an easier solution (for me at least). All I have to do is put on "The Sound of Music" and twirl around the house, jump from chair to chair, singing along with Maria and the rest of the Von Trapp family. And when I get tired of all the dancing, I just have to sit down and sing along to "Maybe" from Annie.

I go to the hills when my heart is lonely

I know I will hear what I've heard before

My heart will be blessed with the sound of music

And I'll sing once more

Ang batang matanong...

"Life, all life, is about asking questions, not knowing the answers. It is wanting to see what's over the next hill that keeps us all going. We have to keep asking questions, wanting to understand. Even when we know we'll never find the answers, we have to keep asking the questions."

-Allie (from the mini-series Taken)

On Paper Stars, Song Lyrics, Cheap Shots, Respect and Privacy

"The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers and effects against unreasonable searches and seizures shall be inviolable." - Article III, Section 2 of the 1987 Philippine Constitution

Get that through your thick head. This is not an apology, nor is it a defense for the cheap shot I threw your way. It's not about the paper stars or the song lyrics written on them. Nor is it about your half a dozen other futile attempts to get on my nerve. It's about respecting other people's property. Not even my mother can touch my things. What makes YOU think you can go through them. I don't know how it works in your house but this is MY house, MY rules... the third floor is MY floor, you went through MY desk, MY box, MY things. You had no right to do that.

"Every person shall respect the dignity, personality, privacy and peace of mind of his neighbors and other persons. The following and similar acts, though they may not constitute a criminal offense, shall produce a cause of action for damages, prevention and other relief:(1)Prying into the privacy of another's residence;" -Article 26, Civil Code of the Philippines

I have nothing to hide, it's not about that. It's about respecting other people and their property. It's one thing to pick something up, look at it then put it back but it's another thing to go through someone's desk, open up the folded up pieces of paper and read what's written on them and what's more, ruin things that don't belong to you... no matter how cheap or replaceable they might be. It's a matter of principle, not how much it cost... although I think it's the only language you understand.

"... any private individual, who directly or indirectly obstructs, defeats, violates or in any manner impedes or impairs any of the following rights and liberties of another person shall be liable to the latter for damages:
xxx
(9) The right to be secured in one's person, house, papers and effects against unreasonable searches and seizures;
xxx" - Article 32, Civil Code of the Philippines

I pity you. You have to make other people feel bad to make yourself feel better. You have to put on this mask everyday filling yourself up with hot air just to feel secure about who you are. It must take a lot of effort to do that. Poor you.

I don't know how you do things in your house but in most cases, people respect others' homes. No matter how comfortable you may be while you're in that place, no matter how close a relationship you have with the inhabitants, you have ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT to go through their things. They're not yours so you don't have the power to do whatever you want with them. That's a basic thing your parents teach you (and I know your dad taught you that... only you couldn't get it through your unbelievably inflated head).

I'm not apologizing for being honest. I think hanging out with people like the ones you hang out with have stripped you of your values. You need to find a new set of friends. I know that's another cheap shot but I think you deserve it. I think it's the only way to get to an insensitive, insecure prick like you. Oh by the way, I think that your current set of amuyongs only tolerate you because you give them free meals. You'd make a good politician... you're getting to be an expert in vote-buying.

Lastly, magyabang ka pag may ipagmamalaki ka na... things that YOU worked for not those handed to you on a silver platter by your padrinos.

These guys only exist in the big screen

Charlie: What color are my eyes?

Kevin: Well, at first glance your eyes are brown. But when the light hits them, they change to amber. And if you look really close around the iris, the color is pure honey. But when you look into the sun, they almost look green. That's my favorite.

from Monster-In-Law (the movie that makes me dread getting married)

A moment of weakness

it's been a while since i've felt like this. i guess it's all that rain... it always rained when he was around. i'm content and sometimes i truly believe i'm happy but there's always a moment when everything crashes down on me. i guess the rain's there to wash it all away. i now thank God for the rain. it means a lot to me... almost as much as it means to the farmers who've been waiting for water to come down from the heavens.

and now that the moment's over, i can go back to my normal life (whatever that is).

The way we should be

I guess it was really meant to end this way.

I'd always imagined that by this time, I'd have done a lot of things. By the time I turned 25, I thought I would be a lawyer... or at least taking the bar this September. I'd also imagined myself with you.

Life gets in the way. Nothing turned out the way I planned. There were heartless professors and the professors who had to teach me things other than what I read in law books. I had to eat a slice of humble pie, spit out a few painful feelings, laugh alone in public. I also got to meet new people... people who caught my attention for a while so that I can slowly let you go. Fate has a sick sense of humor and I can't help but laugh along with it.

I'm 25. I'm not a lawyer yet nor am I taking the bar this year. I'm not with you.

But I'm happy. I'm happy because if I did end up with you, I certainly wouldn't be here, I'd be missing a few more precious memories that I keep dearly now. I'm happy because were it not for the obstacles, I would never be the samurai sword I am now, wielded, exposed to fire, molded several times to be of value to someone... even if it's not you.

This is exactly where I want to be... how I want to be. It took me a long time to get here but what matters is that I'm here and I'm happy. This is exactly where I should be. I can truly say that I have moved on.