one more ayala moment...

ayala avenue was supposed to be MY territory where there would be no memories other than those i had before all complications and walking was supposed to clear my head. yet, my kenshin finds ways to haunt me from san francisco. he was supposed to linger in the law library... not in the streets of makati.

Song of the Day: Here You Come Again (by Dolly Parton)

All you've got to do is smile that smile

And there go all my defenses

Just leave it up to you and in a little while

You're messing up my mind and filling up my senses

CRASH

rambling in a mall with a cup of DQ Banana Split Blizzard in my hands is not how i envisioned running into a quasi-rockstar (and then ask for an autograph) but it was how it happened (thank God I did not spill ice cream on him). and there are unexpected angels hanging around after the concert hence, this photo with the quasi-rockstar i crashed into...

Song of the Day: Don't You Forget About Me (by The Simple Minds)
Will you recognize me?
Call my name or walk on by
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down, down

He did recognize me... and I quote: "Now, we can get our picture taken. See, I remember you."
My response: "Sure beats the hell out of an autograph"

He's probably forgotten all about it by now but it's not everyday you run into a quasi-rockstar.

the yellow brick road

in the wizard of oz, a lost dorothy had to get to emerald city to see the wizard and find her way home. the good witch of the north told her to follow the yellow brick road and the munchkins echoed the good witch's advice with a song. lacking a yellow brick road in this journey, i remembered what a friend once said: "if you're lost, follow the signs."

i wonder where these signs will lead me.

i don't think i'm quite ready to see the man behind the curtain and click the ruby slippers to take me to san francisco. for now, i'd rather have the illusion that the great and powerful oz does exist.

Song of the Day: Never A Day (by Wood)
Could be a song on the radio
Could be that feeling from long ago
Could be that accidental photo I find
When I'm looking for something else
But I found you

ramblings

excited about my upcoming trip, i couldn't stop talking about it. lulu asked me where i would be going and i said the east coast and a week in california. and of course, being the eternal hopeless romantic, she said that if i run into my kenshin (even though san francisco is miles away from LA), it's one big sign that i can't ignore and i need to do something about it. it happens everyday but not to me, i know that now. all i can do is enjoy the ride, wish him well and see where it takes me.

one step at a time, that's my new mantra. always faithful, with courage, taking one step at a time.

Song of the Day: White Flag (by Dido)

And when we meet, which I'm sure we will

All that was there will be there still

I'll let it pass and hold my tongue

And you will think that I've moved on.

Da Moves... a reprise

In the midst of chaos, anger and excessive blood loss...

Garfield Nikkai: bad trip, bad trip talaga!
Then, my twinkerbellor passes by and acknowledges my presence.
Mother Garfield: Ano, bad trip ka pa ba?
Garfield Nikkai: Di na.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

While reviewing for rem finals...
Garfield Twinkie: Binati ka ni twinkerbellor kaya di ka na badtrip ano?
Garfield Nikkai: Excuse me, ka-chika ko siya!
Garfield Loitis: Kausap mo sya ng yan ang suot mo (pointing to my plunging neckline)
Garfield Nikkai: Ay.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Buti pa ako, nakapag-Da Moves na ulit.
Eh ang registrar's office, may na-improve na ba since the virgule incident?
Buti pa ang Ateneo, kahit mayabang, they made their presence known in Makati last Friday.
Ang LSG ba may na-achieve na sa kanilang so-called freedom wall?
Buti pa si Twinkerbellor, nagsasalita na kahit papaano.
Eh ang mga nagyayabang na estudyante ng Beda, napakita na ba nila that they care about what happens in the world outside law school?

a picture worth a thousand words (said and unsaid)

Mr. Mata: Wow, ansarap naman ng donut!
Chinggay: Uy, Mr. Uson, nagpapacute sa camera
Pambie: Mainggit kayo sa donut ko.

Kayo nang bahala mag-imbento ng kwento... a lot of people can assume a lot of things from one photo. Go on, assume.

LOOKING THROUGH THE DONUTS OF LOVE
title by Pambie, photo by Kaima
donuts from Krispy Kreme

Dean Sundiang: Ms. Espiritu, who owns the copyright?

certified mama's boy next door

a song on a profile...

You taught me everything
And everything you've given me
I always keep it inside
You're the driving force in my life, yeah

There isn't anything
Or anyone that I can be
And it just wouldn't feel right
If I didn't have you by my side

You were there for me to love and care for me
When skies were grey
Whenever I was down
You were always there to comfort me
And no one else can be what you have been to me
You will always be you always will be the girl
In my life for all times

Mama, mama you know I love you
Oh you know I love you
Mama, mama you're the queen of my heart
Your love is like
Tears from the stars
Mama, I just want you to know
Lovin' you is like food to my soul

You're always down for me
Have always been around for me even when I was bad
You showed me right from my wrong
Yes you did

And you took up for me
When everyone was downin' me
You always did understand
You gave me strength to go on

There was so many times
Looking back when I was so afraid
And then you come to me
And say to me I can face anything
And no one else can do
What you have done for me
You'll always be
You will always be the girl in my life

Never gonna go a day without you
Fills me up just thinking about you
I'd never go a day without my mama

malakas ang pang-amoy ng mga kaibigan ko. i will tolerate a first wife, illegitimate children but not nightmare of a mother-in-law. i can never compete with that.

Walking is Good for the Heart (by Gmajor7)

from http://www.peyups.com/

"Maglalakad lang ba ulit tayo?" Tanong ko sa 'yo nung pauwi na tayo galing class.

"Oo naman," Naglalakad ka na bago ka magbigay ng sagot, kasunod ang walang kamatayan mong linya, "Walking is good for the heart."

Nagreklamo ako, "Nakakatamad!" Pero sumunod din naman ako sa paglakad mo.

"Alam mo, mas masaya maglakad."

"Sabi mo e."

"Hindi nga!" Ang tawa mo, "Una--"

Unahan na kita, "Walking is good for the heart?"

"O, yon."

"Ano pa?"

"Marami kang nakikita."

"At walang nakikita sa jeep?"

"Meron. Pero mabilis! Maraming bagay na hindi mo mapapansin."

"Halimbawa?"

"Halimbawa..." Tumingin ka sa paligid, sabay pulot ng isang tuyong dahon, "Dahon."

Inabot mo sakin ang dahon, tinanggap ko at tinapat ko sa mga mata mo, "Dahon?"

"Dahon," Tumango ka na parang napaka-obvious ng point mo, "Ang ganda diba?"

Tiningnan ko ang dahon, "Hinde."

"Ang KJ nito. Maganda siya, in its own way."

"ANG GANDAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

"Exag."

"Ang ganda!"

"Ayaaaaaaaaan..."

"O, dahon. Maganda. Tapos?"

"Walang dahon sa jeep."

"Meron!"

"Pupulot ka ba ng dahon sa jeep?"

"Hinde. Eh Ikaw lang naman ang kilala kong namumulot ng dahon e."

"Kaya nga."

"Ang labo mo."

"Malalaman mo bang namumulot ako ng dahon kung hindi tayo naglakad?"

"Hinde."

"Malalaman ko bang tumatanggap ka ng mga pinulot na dahon kung hindi tayo naglakad?"

"Hindi ren."

"Malalaman mo bang tumatanggap ka ng mga pinulot na dahon kung hindi tayo naglakad?"

"Lalong hinde."

"Kita mo na? Kaya mas masaya maglakad."

"Para makapamulot ng dahon?"

"Oo," Tumawa ka ng bahagya sabay ngiti sa'kin.

Bahay ko na, "Dito na 'ko."

"Next meeting ulit?"

"Mamumulot tayo ng dahon?"

"Hanggang sa makagawa tayo ng foliage."

Pinanood kita maglakad palayo saka tiningnan ang dahon na hawak ko pa rin hanggang doon.

Walking is good for the heart.

estopped

estoppel in pais - according to dean albano... it's when you don't speak when you should have and you speak when you shouldn't.

estoppel by laches - again, according to dean albano, the failure to exercise a right after a number of years.

i've been estopped many many times before

Re: Twinkerbellor-- Petition for Change of Name

Exchange of text messages late at night...

Pambie: Naka-mutuum ang electric fan ni zern sakin.
Nikki: Pamela, what is mutuum?
Pambie: Ma'am can I just recite on bellor and belly?
Nikki: Twinkerbellor and twinkerbelly. Yan ang itatawag ko kay tuning.
Pambie: Sya si twinkerbellor, ikaw si twinkerbelly. hehehe
Nikki: Di ba meron pa akong petition for change of name?
Pambie: Wahehe. Ipa-set mo na for hearing yung petition mo with TRO to refrain from using the name in public.


But a TRO lasts only for 20 days. I need to go to the Supreme Court to make it last until further orders.
Still, now we have a new name.

Problem is: I don't know my way to the Supreme Court.

The Last Goodbye

I was cleaning my room and found my old diary from summer camp in Ohio. Well, sabi nga ni Pambie, lahat tayo corny nung teenagers so at the risk of being judged for mushiness, sentimentality and cluelessness... let me quote from the diary narrating the goodbye scene. It was the August 2, 1996 entry. I won't mention names but the details are very specific so if he remembers, he's gonna figure it out eventually...

I didn't know how to say goodbye to _________. xxx He came up to me and hugged me for five seconds that seemed to last forever. I told him "You smell like onions (private joke)." And he said, "I know. Bye." I could still smell his cologne (which, let me tell you was intoxicating). I could remember that look in his eyes last night while he was dancing with me. I could still feel his hug and hear his voice when he said "I know. Bye."

Before he left, he wrote something on my notebook and told me not to read it until I got on the plane. I opened it the minute I got on the plane and it said "I love you very much." One sentence brought back the daily morning arguments about milk on Cheerios, holding hands while walking during a trip to Paramount Park, long afternoons at the cafetorium (oh, man, can't believe I still remember that), private jokes about Coca-cola and onions. We were teen-agers who never gave a thought about what would happen after summer.

That was eleven years ago. It was a crush. I've grown up and so has he. We were both meant for greater things.

Petition for Change of Name

This is hearsay, inadmissible in any proceeding for any purpose.

Kai and Pambie were walking behind Tuning:
Kai: Tuning! Tuning! Tuning! (Tuning ignores her so she finally calls Tuning by his real name)
Tuning: (turns around) Ako ba tinatawag mo?
Kai: Kanina pa 'no. Pero pag tinawag kitang pogi di ka na magiisip, lilingon ka nalang kagad.
Tuning laughs.

We need a new codename.

Double Chocolate Mint and its effects

But now I feel your presence in a way I could not know
And I wonder, do you ever feel the same?
In whispering darkness, do you ever hear my name?

-Out of My Mind (Duran Duran)

I want a man who...

1. will admit that he can't do everything

2. knows when to take the lead and when to let me do it

3. knows how to ask for directions

4. can carry on a conversation that i will think about long after it's over--the conversation, i mean (inspired by the intellectual stimulation that Pambie's Dudung gives her)

5. covets me (Hay, Tuning, please covet me... hehehe)

6. wants to do the dishes, the laundry, cook and pamper me at least once a year

7. cannot tame me but can run with me (something I realized while talking with Anthony, Claire and Pambie)

8. does not insult my intelligence

9. isn't too perfect (inspired by Claire)

10. will make me forget food with the mere thought of him and make me crave nothing else BUT him (inspired by Kai and her donuts)

Objects of Covetousness

pambie said, it is man's nature to be covetous. here are actual occurrences that may prove her point...

1. gem: sige na, pag pinahiram mo kami nung notes mo, dadalhan ka ni nikki ng cookies

tuning: pwedeng yung nandun nalang sa box na yun (pointing to my brownie from claire)

nikki: o ayan ha (handing the brownie), show of good faith yan.

tuning inhales the brownie

tuning: uy, thank you. masarap ha. wala bang water.

pambie: one point ka ha, sister.

kai: ang da moves ha!

the next school day:

gem: mr. (tuning's last name) ito na yung notes mo. thank you. (handing the cookies and the notes)

tuning: wala na ba kayong hihiramin?

2. sa barrister office

nikki: hoy, tirhan nyo si claire at si gem

shurl: ubos na eh!

sinong umubos?

3. online this morning:

nikkai: bawal na ubusan sila gem at claire ha. 12 pieces yun, tag 3 kayo.tapos isang box kay shurl. hihihi

Seester: 3 sa akin from you. tapos hingi pa ako ng cookie kay moomy shurl!

nikkai: ay may tawag na dyan! hehehe

Seester: gahaman

nikkai: sakim. corrupt.

Seester: greedy

nikkai: MASIBA

Seester: covetousness

4. leg med

tuning: parang lagi kayong madaming food

pambie: kasi may potluck kami. picnic area yung side namin

tuning: pwede ba lumipat sa inyo? may upuan pa ba dun?

nikki: ha?

5. grave scandal by the gym

two first years went out of the classroom (a couple). the girl was pretty and according to pambie, she looked like she thought of law school as a finishing school kasi laging ayos na ayos.

the girl was smiling and according to gem, the smile looked well... covetous. the boy led the girl past us, toward the dark area behind the gym, beyond the yosi area by fior.

after 15 minutes, they were back in their classroom.

gem: ambilis naman nila
nikki: kaya nga quickie eh.
resly: lagi syang nakaskirt ano?
gem: para easy access.

6. CR escapade during poli rev... tuning sitting on a bench near the drinking fountain by the restrooms and smiles at the girl in blue walking towards him (AKO!!!):

nikki: tinawag ka.

tuning: di nga?

nikki: oo nga. then walks away... a few meters later (wow, ginawang time ang meters)

tuning: tamang-tama pala na lumabas ako

nikki: ha?

tuning: sakto yung labas ko

nikki: joke lang yun.

paglabas ko ng CR

nikki: bumalik ka na sa loob kasi sabi ni sir tatawagin ka na niya.

tuning: di din ako makakarecite ngayon. *coughs* (awww, he's sick)

di ko alam kung hindi siya makakarecite dahil gagayahin niya akong nawalan ng boses o dahil nakatulog sya dahil sa cough medicine kaya di nakaaral. but anyhow, natuluyan ang lagnat nya. absent sya kay duduy eh. sayang di nya nakita ang skirt ng seatmate nya (see no. 6).

6. funny classmate: nahaharass ka na ba ni seatmate mo?

tuning laughs and seatmate cries, according to the storyteller

tuning's seatmate covets him. that is the only conclusion i can come up with.

of course, being my friend, kai said, "hindi yan. mas kulot ka naman dun."

thank you for the vote of encouragement, kai. and thank you, sisterrific for saying that it is natural to covet. that way, walang guilt pag nag-da moves ako. hehehe

*dudung, kalbo and tuning-- nicknames for people that we covet (by we, i mean pambie, kai and myself). ambabaho ano?

"Da Moves"

It's been a while since I felt this way.

All I want to say is thank you to the person who brought the feeling back and unknowingly offered himself to be my guinea pig so I can practice what Kai calls DA MOVES.

Tonight, there was deliberate intent.

Pambie: I think liligawan ka nya. Hehehe

Nikkai: napaka-assuming naman ng "i think" mo. wala naman overt acts to show intent.

Pambie: Dinedeclare ko na at kino-covet for you. Hehehe.

Dyos ko, Sisterrific. Mag-dilang anghel ka sana.

God bless and thank you

I now understand the real meaning of regret.

Pagkakataon mo na i-hug! Yes, I should have listened to Pambie. I've got nothing to lose anyway. And as conceited as it may sound, I think you expected it too. Of course, I never delivered. Don't ask me why. I don't know either. I've got nothing to lose anyway.

The only love worth fighting for is one that you can win and

That’s just the way it goes now.

You would not break but you could bend

And for love’s sake you let love end

But I still swear that you were God sent

One year ago, we were almost inseparable and now, the curse of Nikki strikes again. I should've let you know early on... fate plays with the destinies of the men in my life. They go forth and multiply without meaning to, they flunk out of school, they fail a subject or two. I think it's the reason I never wanted to give you any clue as to how I felt. Well, it was kind of a cat-and-mouse game. From the beginning, I knew this was pointless and my only goal throughout this whole thing was not to get caught, lest you get hit by the curse too. I'm superstitious and I don't want to be held accountable if you get hit by lightning, fall off the stairs or trapped in an elevator. Maybe that's why I never entertained actually doing what Pambie suggested. Instead, I made up a lame excuse that I might not be able to control myself and I may kiss you or never let you go (remember, jokes are half-meant).

I call you misplaced but never a waste of my time

Everybody’s gonna make mistakes

But you’ll never be one of mine

Now you're on your way to a new chapter and like all the men in my life, you left me to watch you walk away. One year ago today, I would always get these little messages, phone calls, emails with "Thanks. God bless..." at the end. I used to joke around saying that it was our version of "I love you." I don't get those messages now, not since the reason for you to give me messages ceased to exist. I guess it's for the better-- it'll be easier to let go this way.

I've said almost everything I needed to say... not to your face but at least I got it out of my system. Now I can wish you good luck with a lighter heart and I can say this one last time...

And you stood before me knowing that the wings I have, you gave

And that’s just the way it goes

And I barely have the breath to breathe much less to fly away

And a silence entered the room for a one last "I’m gonna love you."

So God bless and thank you.

Song of the Day: Bittersweet (Sara Bareilles)

These guys only exist in the big screen

Charlie: What color are my eyes?

Kevin: Well, at first glance your eyes are brown. But when the light hits them, they change to amber. And if you look really close around the iris, the color is pure honey. But when you look into the sun, they almost look green. That's my favorite.

from Monster-In-Law (the movie that makes me dread getting married)

A moment of weakness

it's been a while since i've felt like this. i guess it's all that rain... it always rained when he was around. i'm content and sometimes i truly believe i'm happy but there's always a moment when everything crashes down on me. i guess the rain's there to wash it all away. i now thank God for the rain. it means a lot to me... almost as much as it means to the farmers who've been waiting for water to come down from the heavens.

and now that the moment's over, i can go back to my normal life (whatever that is).

The way we should be

I guess it was really meant to end this way.

I'd always imagined that by this time, I'd have done a lot of things. By the time I turned 25, I thought I would be a lawyer... or at least taking the bar this September. I'd also imagined myself with you.

Life gets in the way. Nothing turned out the way I planned. There were heartless professors and the professors who had to teach me things other than what I read in law books. I had to eat a slice of humble pie, spit out a few painful feelings, laugh alone in public. I also got to meet new people... people who caught my attention for a while so that I can slowly let you go. Fate has a sick sense of humor and I can't help but laugh along with it.

I'm 25. I'm not a lawyer yet nor am I taking the bar this year. I'm not with you.

But I'm happy. I'm happy because if I did end up with you, I certainly wouldn't be here, I'd be missing a few more precious memories that I keep dearly now. I'm happy because were it not for the obstacles, I would never be the samurai sword I am now, wielded, exposed to fire, molded several times to be of value to someone... even if it's not you.

This is exactly where I want to be... how I want to be. It took me a long time to get here but what matters is that I'm here and I'm happy. This is exactly where I should be. I can truly say that I have moved on.

Wind and the Window Flower by Robert Frost

LOVERS, forget your love,
And list to the love of these,
She a window flower,
And he a winter breeze.

When the frosty window veil
Was melted down at noon,
And the cagèd yellow bird
Hung over her in tune,

He marked her through the pane,
He could not help but mark,
And only passed her by,
To come again at dark.

He was a winter wind,
Concerned with ice and snow,
Dead weeds and unmated birds,
And little of love could know.


But he sighed upon the sill,
He gave the sash a shake,
As witness all within
Who lay that night awake.

Perchance he half prevailed
To win her for the flight
From the firelit looking-glass
And warm stove-window light.

But the flower leaned aside
And thought of naught to say,
And morning found the breeze
A hundred miles away.