movie of the week

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void."

- Kathleen Kelly (You've Got Mail)

I think it's both. I like it and there's a part of me that's not brave enough.

Song of the Day: Adrenaline (by Bush)

Point of no return 
See how the buildings burn 
Light up the night 
Such pretty sight 

Adrenaline keeps me in the game 
Adrenaline you don't even feel the pain 
Wilder than your wildest dreams 
When you're going to extremes 
It takes adrenaline

speed

on my way to work this morning, the bus i happened to be in was showing speed (keanu reeves in a tight white shirt *sigh*). the irony of it was that the bus in the movie was not supposed to go slower than 50 mph and the bus i was in was stuck in buendia for 20 minutes.

i got to thinking that maybe if i slowed down and stress was taken away from my life, i would blow up-- that slowing down would give me too much time to think and there would be some sort of nuclear explosion and all the king's horses and all the king's men would never be able to fix humpty dumpty.

i have more than a month of waiting to do. until then, all i have are necklaces made of 5-centavo coins, tissue paper, dreams of ceramic bowls and laughter.

Song of the Day: Hold On (by Wilson Phillips)

Don't you know, things'll change

Things'll go your way

If you hold on for one more day

preparing for a long awaited March

For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

-The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button

Song of the Day: Me (by Paula Cole)

I am carrying my voice

I am carrying my heart

I am carrying my rhythmn

I am carrying my prayers

But you can`t kill my spirit

It`s soaring and it`s strong

Like a mountain I`ll go on and on

We're singing the same song, Claire. When will it end?

it's a self-preservation thing

out of words (and tired of thinking of new ones), i decided to use lines from one of our favorite Christmas movies. though we have opposite opinions about the sub-plots, we agreed that love actually is all around:

but for now, let me say-- without any hope or agenda-- just because it's christmas (and at christmas you tell the truth), my wasted heart would love you until you look like this.

ENOUGH. ENOUGH NOW.

Song of the Day: Here With Me (by Dido)
I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory
I am what I am, I'll do what I want
And I can't hide

serendipity (or its absence)

I promised my best friend I will move on... that the performance which included the songs of the past would be the point where I get closure and I guess this is it, my final rambling before I conclude this chapter of my life. All the subsequent ramblings will make minimal, if any, reference to my lib affair.

Last week, a local channel showed its annual pre-Christmas movie-- my annual pre-Christmas movie-- Serendipity. It happened to make both our lists of favorite movies perhaps right beside Love Actually and the soft porn collection that he has. Serendipity has been defined as a fortunate accident, the gift of finding valuable things not sought for. I never sought him out... he just happened to be in line with me wearing that coveted Darth Maul t-shirt and holding his impressive transcript. That was four years ago and I have not lost faith but I have gained practicality. If it has not happened, it probably never will. I am not giving up on love or the nasty but cute little tricks that Fate plays on our mundane little lives but I am growing up though and growing out of him. I have not lost my optimism, I just lost my naivette. It comes with age, I guess.

In the movie, the male lead Jonathan differentiates clues from signs. A clue, according to him, is what a detective uses to find a suspect. A sign is something that happens (or does not happen) which leads somebody to a particular path. I have been bombarded with signs the past two months and the biggest one of all is the grant of a particular wish I made... that I would move on in exchange for a collision. And the higher forces have heard my plea. Now, I am voluntarily moving on. I will not try to forget because that would be impossible but I will try to gradually numb myself from the feelings little things evoke in me.

I was looking through my old articles and I came across the first piece i wrote referring to The Lib Affair published in peyups.com. The article has gained my infamy in the law students' circle. It has been circulated in many law schools, and some have figured out which school library I was referring to. Some made guesses as to who I was talking about and at least one hit close to home. The piece spoke of hope, excitement and an eagerness to find out what tomorrow brings. In short, it spoke of pre-relationship happiness. The catch is that there was no relationship after all the flirting... just a few brief moments that were forgotten too soon. Many who read the article looked forward to a sequel with the expectation of a happy ending, just like any other fairy tale but I think the peyups.com administrators did the right thing of not approving its sequel as it had no happy ending. It did have an ending but it would have made the ecstatic readers despondent over the fate of the affair that never was. I have no plans of crushing people's hopes. Let them assume what happened next, after all, it's more fun that way.

But as for me, I know how it all ends and it is, in a way, a happy ending. I have moved on and so has he. He is in one of what is supposed to be the most beautiful cities and I am trying to find my place in the world. I can't very well do that with something holding me back so I have to let go of a few things. I will only take what I need and I have long established that I do not need him, not at this point in my life anyway.

Should we cross paths again, I think I will be able to smile at him and comment on how we have both moved on to better things.

Song of the Day: Warwick Avenue (by Duffy)
All the days spent together
I wished for better,
And I didn’t want the train to come
Now it’s departed, I’m broken hearted
Seems like we never started

christening

"Sometimes nothing can be a pretty cool hand."
-Paul Newman (Cool Hand Luke)

And Dragline named him Cool Hand Luke.

Song of the Day: I Will Get There (by Boyz II Men)

I have known a pain so deep

But I know my faith will free me

And I'll get through this

I'll find my way again

Sweetly Terrifying

I've never thought that the Carpenters could ever come up with a terrifying song.

Being the sentimental person that I am (to the point of sappiness), I've always found the song sweet. Until I watched 1408. You've got to see the movie to understand the terror. After seeing the movie, I actually reflected on the song. Yes, that's me, overanalyzing things.

Even without seeing 1408, "We've Only Just Begun" is a scary song. It speaks of a new journey, doing something you've never done before and it's far from over. It speaks of an end of something to make way for a beginning. And endings are always terrifying because you don't know how things will turn out.

Over the deteriorating quality of coffee at Barcelo, Pambie, Claire and I were talking about losing our passion for the law. We were all struggling to come up with ways to regain that passion and this is the part where I say I strongly disagree with Aristotle when he said that "The law is reason freed from passion." To go through what law students go through every day of their lives, to do what lawyers do, you need passion. You need to be so committed to whatever you're doing to be able to go on. And knowing that this is just the beginning and we're losing our passion... the thought scares the bejesus out of me. At this rate I'm going, I'll never survive.

It took a horror movie to snap me out of la-la land where the last year of law school isn't what I thought it would be. A horror movie and a Carpenters song.

And yes, we've just begun...

These guys only exist in the big screen

Charlie: What color are my eyes?

Kevin: Well, at first glance your eyes are brown. But when the light hits them, they change to amber. And if you look really close around the iris, the color is pure honey. But when you look into the sun, they almost look green. That's my favorite.

from Monster-In-Law (the movie that makes me dread getting married)

The Beauty of the Constitution

This is one of my favorite scenes from the movie "With Honors"

Simon Wilder: You asked the question, sir, now let me answer it. The beauty of the Constitution is that it can always be changed. The beauty of the Constitution is that it makes no set law other than faith in the wisdom of ordinary people to govern themselves.

Proffesor Pitkannan: Faith in the wisdom of the people is exactly what makes the Constitution incomplete and crude.

Simon Wilder: Crude? No, sir. Our "founding parents" were pompous, white, middle-aged farmers, but they were also great men. Because they knew one thing that all great men should know: that they didn't know everything. Sure, they'd make mistakes, but they made sure to leave a way to correct them. The president is not an "elected king," no matter how many bombs he can drop. Because the "crude" Constitution doesn't trust him. He's just a bum, okay Mr. Pitkannan? He's just a bum.