Last week, a local channel showed its annual pre-Christmas movie-- my annual pre-Christmas movie-- Serendipity. It happened to make both our lists of favorite movies perhaps right beside Love Actually and the soft porn collection that he has. Serendipity has been defined as a fortunate accident, the gift of finding valuable things not sought for. I never sought him out... he just happened to be in line with me wearing that coveted Darth Maul t-shirt and holding his impressive transcript. That was four years ago and I have not lost faith but I have gained practicality. If it has not happened, it probably never will. I am not giving up on love or the nasty but cute little tricks that Fate plays on our mundane little lives but I am growing up though and growing out of him. I have not lost my optimism, I just lost my naivette. It comes with age, I guess.
In the movie, the male lead Jonathan differentiates clues from signs. A clue, according to him, is what a detective uses to find a suspect. A sign is something that happens (or does not happen) which leads somebody to a particular path. I have been bombarded with signs the past two months and the biggest one of all is the grant of a particular wish I made... that I would move on in exchange for a collision. And the higher forces have heard my plea. Now, I am voluntarily moving on. I will not try to forget because that would be impossible but I will try to gradually numb myself from the feelings little things evoke in me.
I was looking through my old articles and I came across the first piece i wrote referring to The Lib Affair published in peyups.com. The article has gained my infamy in the law students' circle. It has been circulated in many law schools, and some have figured out which school library I was referring to. Some made guesses as to who I was talking about and at least one hit close to home. The piece spoke of hope, excitement and an eagerness to find out what tomorrow brings. In short, it spoke of pre-relationship happiness. The catch is that there was no relationship after all the flirting... just a few brief moments that were forgotten too soon. Many who read the article looked forward to a sequel with the expectation of a happy ending, just like any other fairy tale but I think the peyups.com administrators did the right thing of not approving its sequel as it had no happy ending. It did have an ending but it would have made the ecstatic readers despondent over the fate of the affair that never was. I have no plans of crushing people's hopes. Let them assume what happened next, after all, it's more fun that way.
But as for me, I know how it all ends and it is, in a way, a happy ending. I have moved on and so has he. He is in one of what is supposed to be the most beautiful cities and I am trying to find my place in the world. I can't very well do that with something holding me back so I have to let go of a few things. I will only take what I need and I have long established that I do not need him, not at this point in my life anyway.
Should we cross paths again, I think I will be able to smile at him and comment on how we have both moved on to better things.
Song of the Day: Warwick Avenue (by Duffy)
All the days spent together
I wished for better,
And I didn’t want the train to come
Now it’s departed, I’m broken hearted
Seems like we never started
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