doors

a lot of doors have been opened for me the past two weeks and i'm not sure which ones will let me through and what i will choose:

door number 1 gives me the chance to be what i never was.

door number 2 gives me the opportunity to be part of a world i have been preparing to join for the past six years.

door number 3 shows me what i am truly passionate about.

door number 4 offers to show me the world.

but there is no door that shows me my future. i have reached a four-pronged fork in the road and i have no idea where to go. maybe i'll just go where the wind blows and hopefully, i'll never have to look back.

according to mom, "kumuha ka ng law degree para maging writer?"

i'm right back where i started before i entered the mad world of law school... an aspiring writer who does not know what to do with her life.

Song of the Day: Change Your Mind (by Sister Hazel)

If you've had enough of all your tryin'

Just give up the state of mind you're in

If you want to be somebody else,

If you're tired of fighting battles with yourself

If you want to be somebody else

Change your mind...

a fourth grader's word of the day

my nephew was asking for help on his english homework. he had to write a dialogue using intransitive verbs. here is part of his homework:

NICO: She writes fluently in English.

then, my nephew asked me what "fluently" meant. we checked the dictionary and came up with "effortlessly." my brother then made a suggestion:

KYLE: if you like my aunt's writing, then you should see my uncle. he dances fluently in spanish.

when my nephew was picked up by my aunt, she asked him "did you get your homework done?"
he replied, "fluently."

Song of the Day: Effortlessly (by Sister Hazel)

It shouldn't be so hard just to be effortlessly

Weightless worries fall away

Wasted pools of energy

charmed life

"It's just everything I think I have things figured out, things tend to shift."
-Holly Marie Combs (as Piper Halliwell in Charmed)

Took the words right out of my mouth on this dreary Monday.

Song of the Day: Even Angels Fall (by Jessica Riddle)

It's a secret, that no one tells.

One day it's heaven one day it's hell.

And it's no fairy tale, take it from me.

That's the way it's supposed to be.

saturday morning cartoons

the ayala mall performance last wednesday was a trip to memory lane, hearing the songs that i sang during my angst-ridden teen years as well as those that i heard through my dad's old radio when i was five and getting ready for school. it took me back to happier times when i was a clueless little girl.

and on this cloudy saturday morning, dressed in my baby blue pjs after 10am, i long for the cartoon marathons i used to watch as a seven-year-old when life was simpler and i wasn't asked questions on where i see myself five years from now. if you'd asked that seven year old the same question, she would have told you she'd be in high school, having the time of her life. and that would have been an accurate prediction. i cannot make such statements now.

all i can do is hope for the best and do everything i can to control what happens next. maybe we're destined for great things but sometimes, fate needs a hand. did you think that she can handle 6 billion lives all at once?

Song of the Day: Walk On (by U2)

And if the darkness is to keep us apart

And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off

And if your glass heart should crack

And for a second you turn back

Oh no, be strong

working out

they say exercise is good for the heart. well, my heart must be really fit right now because it's been doing jumping jacks for the past couple of weeks. it might be because of the job interviews or probably the thrill of meeting a quasi-rock star. or maybe the morning after the pajama party still has an aftershock. but one thing i do know is i've moved on and i'm never looking back. no more tears. no more power ballads. just happy songs.

Song of the Day: Yellow (by Coldplay)

I swam across

I jumped across for you

Oh all the things you do

Cause you were all yellow

CRASH

rambling in a mall with a cup of DQ Banana Split Blizzard in my hands is not how i envisioned running into a quasi-rockstar (and then ask for an autograph) but it was how it happened (thank God I did not spill ice cream on him). and there are unexpected angels hanging around after the concert hence, this photo with the quasi-rockstar i crashed into...

Song of the Day: Don't You Forget About Me (by The Simple Minds)
Will you recognize me?
Call my name or walk on by
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down, down

He did recognize me... and I quote: "Now, we can get our picture taken. See, I remember you."
My response: "Sure beats the hell out of an autograph"

He's probably forgotten all about it by now but it's not everyday you run into a quasi-rockstar.

i must be lonely...

for the past week, i've always woken up during witching hour and always excited about something. it's not the emily rose thing where blood drips from somewhere. it's more like anxiety attacks and the feeling that every bone wants to jump out of my body.

yesterday, it was the job interview for a position i really want.

today, it's finally going out and listening to the music i so missed.

i wonder what it'll be tomorrow.

Song of the Day: 3AM (by Matchbox 20)

She believes that life is made up of all that you're used to

And the clock on the wall has been stuck at three for days, and days

She thinks that happiness is a mat that sits on her doorway

But outside its stopped raining

give me a sign

for the past month, i've been bombarded with several clues, signs... whatever you'd like to call it. apparently, the exorcisms weren't enough to banish my ghost. on the nightstand in my godmother's guestroom, there was a statuette of st. anthony. my grandfather took me to a grotto just up st. anthony road by the st. anthony shrine. i was invited to a wedding in san francisco and everybody insists that i would love the city and i should think about staying there for a while before flying home to manila. i said no. i'm not ready for that yet.

the biggest sign of all was last night. i was channel surfing and i came across an episode of samurai x which gave me the wake-up call i needed. the exact moment i came across animax, kenshin began his monologue ending with "i know how it feels to have a burning emptiness in your heart that can only be filled by a loved one. but sometimes, we have no choice but to live without them." yes, there will still be the occasional hauntings but i will say that line over and over to remind me that they're just ghosts that will go away when the dawn comes.

Song of the Day: Still Reminds Me Of You (by Anggun)
And I’ve tried to spend my time with somebody new
But everyone still reminds me of you
I tried to play some songs that’d changed my point of view
But every sound still reminds me of you

christening

"Sometimes nothing can be a pretty cool hand."
-Paul Newman (Cool Hand Luke)

And Dragline named him Cool Hand Luke.

Song of the Day: I Will Get There (by Boyz II Men)

I have known a pain so deep

But I know my faith will free me

And I'll get through this

I'll find my way again

labor standards

labor arbiter estrellita aldas passed away while i was out of the country. i always expressed frustration over her teaching methods but i have to admit it was effective. i will always remember that night shift differential is not paid in lieu (pronounce in lie-you) of overtime pay. that the general rule is no work, no pay just like no pain, no gain and no i.d., no entry. she expressed true gratitude for simple gifts for she was a simple woman. she was never alone though people perceive her to be. she had God at her side and i'm sure God will not deny her entrance to heaven even if she doesn't have any form of i.d. the number of lives she changed and touched is enough identification.

she will live on through the stories people will tell and the lessons she taught. she has set the bar for others in the field.

Song of the Day: Bye Bye (by Mariah Carey)

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done

And you never got to see me back at number one

I wish that you were here to celebrate together

strangers on a plane

my mother told me not to talk to strangers. this is the one time i'm thankful i did not listen because i learned that...

• there is a country called montenegro with a population of 600, 000 and you can ski and go to the beach in the same day.
• there are still women shocked that other women take interest in other's husbands.
• there are cute, nice italian guys who would propose you stay with them in minneapolis if you miss your flight and that you can say "i'm sorry i can't" without hesitation
• there will be a night of corruption that will rival the six years i have gone through in law school

Song of the Day: Strangers in the Night (by Frank Sinatra)

Strangers in the night, two lonely people

We were strangers in the night

Up to the moment

When we said our first hello.